The Five Stages of Quinn Fabray
by BMontague
Summary: In the last year, Quinn Fabray has lost her baby, her perfect reputation, the man she loved and is on the verge of losing her mind. Can she actually come to terms with the situation. Follow her through Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance.
1. Denial

**_A/N:_**_ So I'm an attorney, not a clinical psychologist, but its unbelievably apparent to me that Quinn has been going through the Five Psychological Phases of Grief over giving her child up for the past season and a half. What perturbs me more than anything though is the fact that people choose to hate on the poor girl, saying she is evil and Shelby and Puck are innocent bystanders on her rampage to steal her daughter back. In actuality, I think Quinn is a sad, scared, depressed, angry, hurting, vulnerable and insecure high school girl who had to make a huge decision for her baby and is finally now getting close to hitting rock bottom. She gave up her child, that is not something that just goes away or one can forget about easily. And while I dont think she is going about it the right way, I can certainly say, as someone who has unfortunately been in her position before, giving your child up for adoption hurts like hell and always will leave you with regrets and "what if" questions. I dont condone her actions, but I can say I understand where she's coming from._

_So I'll get off my soap box and let you read. It is my take on Quinn going through the 5 Stages of Grief when one mourns the loss of something or someone, and I tried to stay as true to the story line as possible. I will warn you that there may be some spoilers in the Depression and Acceptance chapters, but then again maybe not. I'm not a psychic after all, the writers do what they want...and sometimes I want to smack them for it too. Enjoy and let me know what you think, please!_

**The Five Stages of Quinn Fabray**

_**Denial**_

Denial? Nah, she's not in denial.

She did what was best for her daughter by giving her up. Even if it hurts like hell to kiss her goodbye and leave her at the hospital, she knew it was for the best. That's why it pissed her off when people told her she was in denial over what happened. Her mom, Rachel, Finn, Tina, Ms. Pillsbury, everybody.

Except for Puck.

He hadn't said anything, simply staring off into the distance and trying not to make eye contact as they walked out of the nursery and OB ward at the hospital.

She noticed his hand trembling as he signed his name on the adoption form, but she wouldn't admit her hand was shaking even worse when she signed hers. She would be surprised if her name was even legible with how badly she was shaking.

But that was in the past. As was the fateful summer afterwards, when simply looking at him made her heart ache, his gentle features, soft smile and beautiful chocolate eyes reminding her so damn much of the little girl they gave up. She couldn't stand it. Every time she saw him, she was reminded of that perfect little pink bundle. She couldn't do it anymore.

So she broke ties with him. They broke up and went their separate ways, both hoping they would eventually heal and move on.

But that was easier said than done.

No matter what she did, no matter what she tried to tell herself, the hole in her heart never healed. If anything, it actually got worse. She couldn't look at herself in the mirror the same way anymore either, disgusted with the image that looked back at her.

She tried to tell herself it would just take time. If she got her life back in order and got everything that she had lost back from the previous year, she would be ok.

So that's what she did. The rest of the summer, she worked her ass off. Literally and figuratively. Running, weights, the works, just trying to get back into shape for Cheerio's try-outs. Of course she had a back-up plan, complete with an offer from the church her mother and her went back to that following summer, an offer that would boost the Cheerio's budget by quite a bit if Quinn agreed to appear at a few "reformed Christians" meetings and tell her story about how she found Jesus again.

Sue had no choice, letting her back on the squad and back to her position at the top of the pyramid. She was captain again, but it didn't feel like anything. Everyone around her changed their attitudes, seeing her as the Ice Queen once again, but internally, nothing had changed. She still felt empty, cold.

She thought something may happen with Puck there for a bit, the two of them making eyes at one another for a few weeks as he sang Billy Joel during glee rehearsal. But those eyes continued to haunt her, and shortly thereafter, Puck ended up getting thrown in juvie for doing something stupid…again.

But that's when she met Sam. The bleach blonde clone of herself was sweet, kind, somewhat dumb, slightly conceited (like herself) and had a perfect body. Overall, he was perfect for her.

And he was the perfect distraction.

But the kisses didn't smolder like Puck's had, and she didn't feel the same tingle in her heart and at the base of her spine when he touched her. In fact, none of it really felt right. It felt forced. She wanted it to be perfect, complete with the Cracker Jack promise ring and everything.

But it was far from perfect. And she smiled through it all, thinking this is probably what her mother had been talking about when she pointed out that "Fabray's just suck it up and tough it out, putting their freshest faces on despite the problems." She sang at sectionals with him, ignoring the glares she got from Puck as she and Sam belted out the tune. She even went to Burt Hummel and Carol Hudson's wedding with him, singing "Marry You" down the aisles. She wanted to believe it too. Really tried to talk herself into seeming excited about what she was singing, but something within her told her it wasn't quite right.

If she were honest with herself, she was a bit jealous of Santana, who went as Puck's date to the event. Watching the two of them spin around the dance floor made her feel green with envy, but part of her knew that Santana was simply doing it because she was jealous of Artie, who was spinning around the floor with Britney, so she couldn't be too upset with her friend.

Everything was fine with Sam, but it wasn't right and she felt it deep within her soul.

Then she figured out why. It was because things weren't back to normal. Things weren't the way they were before because she was with Sam instead of with Finn. That had to be it!

But she wasn't quite ready to drop the security blanket that was Sam for Finn if he didn't reciprocate the same feelings, or if there wasn't that spark there.

However, she was in luck. After their win in the championships, the big oaf decided it was a good idea to have a kissing booth, and for some reason, Sam was actually pressuring her to kiss Finn if only just to prove to him that there was nothing between Quinn and her ex. But when she kissed him, she felt that warmth, that familiarity. Not the same explosive spark she felt the first time Puck kissed her, but it was fine.

So after the mono incident and the Bieber-blowout, she and Finn got back together. It wasn't the same as before, but then again, their entire relationship was a bunch of lies, built upon false feelings, a desire for popularity and perfection, and an overwhelming need for the two of them to forget all of the resent from last year. To forget the feelings they both felt for other people last year. That they both still felt even now. She wasn't stupid, she knew he still had feelings for Rachel. He wasn't as stupid as he looked either, knowing she was still hurt from how things ended with Puck too.

But they held on and continued to delude themselves into loving each other again. Quinn wanted that prom queen title, no matter what, and she needed Finn. The perfect boyfriend, that prom queen crown. Those would certainly fill that emptiness and heaviness still burdening her heart.

Yet, when she danced with Finn at prom, she felt that same ever present heaviness, and knew it didn't feel quite right. But they continued on with the charade, pretending to love one another because it was easier to put on the front than actually confront their true feelings. By the end of the evening, she lost the crown to Kurt (good for him though) and knew she lost the boy as well.

She knew the break-up was coming even before Finn told her after Jean's funeral. It was over, and she cried. Not for the boy. Not for the break-up. Not even for Jean, sadly enough. No, she cried for the loss of the security blanket she had created for herself, thinking it covered up all of the lies and deceit but it didn't.

She had warred with herself for over a year, trying to smile through it all. But it was exhausting, the pressure of upholding all of the falsities a burden as she finally let herself go, weeping in front of her best friends. The other "popular girls." If anyone knew what it was like to hide your feelings and put on a fake front for everyone else, it was Britney and Santana.

After watching Puck fawn all over Lauren and having a little girl pow wow on their trip to New York, Quinn knew things needed to change. She couldn't keep lying to herself. The hole hadn't gone away, the hurt and sadness and loss she felt when she thought about her daughter and Puck amplified by the emotional events of the past few weeks.

She needed something different and fast. She couldn't keep deluding herself into believing that things were going to go back to normal. So instead, she'd do something completely different. Mix it up.

x-x-x-x-x


	2. Anger

**The Five Stages of Quinn Fabray**

_**Anger**_

And mix it up she did. That summer, Quinn changed everything up, much to her mother's chagrin (like she would really understand what she was feeling though).

The hole was still there, a deep dark sinking abyss that seemed to get worse by the day. So Quinn said "fuck it" to the blonde hair and perfect cheerleader uniform, and hello to the ripped black clothes, heavy black eyeliner, pink hair and a tattoo (it's fake, but it looks real, so she'll roll with it).

She found some new friends too, hanging out with the "bad girls" in town, hoping the new reputation will scare people enough to stay away from her and leave her be instead of pressuring her to be someone she's not. (She is still deluding herself by telling people this is the new her, but she refuses to admit it's a sham).

They smoke, drink, get in trouble, scam underclassmen out of money, and hang out with older guys. She still thinks that even Puck may be more mature than some of the guys she meets, especially the 40 year old X-Games skateboarder wannabe, but dating him is easier than admitting what she is truly feeling. She hides behind the lit cigarette in her mouth, the black clothes and neon pink hair enough to ward most people off… except the Glee club. They all just look at her with pity and concern, wondering what happened to her and wanting to help her get through this phase.

But doing so would require her to admit that she needed their help. Admit that she wanted their friendship and love, just like they gave her during her sophomore year. But she refuses to remember that year. When the whole group waited outside in the waiting room while she gave birth. When the whole team wished both she and Puck well in making their decision, stopping by the nursery to get a look at their perfect little girl before heading back to the auditorium to hear the results.

She couldn't do that. She never wanted to think about that again. So she refused to go back to Glee club. She loved that club and some of the best memories she made during high school involved the Glee club and the friends she had made while she was there.

However, she couldn't go back. After all, it was the Glee club that screwed up her life to begin with. No, she was pissed at all of them. She was pissed that Finn strayed over to the club and eventually to Rachel the beginning of their sophomore year, leading her to seek comfort in Puck's strong, warm arms.

She was upset that the only people who managed to really get to her and truly piss her off or make her happy were members of the Glee club.

She was mad that, if she were honest with herself, she really needed them.

And she was angry that they all knew her everything about her past, loner-loser Lucy Caboosey and everything, and instead of fearing her new attitude or simply leaving her alone like she wanted, they looked at her like they pitied her. Especially Puck, but she was never quite able to read him anyway.

So she agreed to be a part of Sue's campaign video, trashing the arts and screaming her head off at Mr. Schuester. But instead of taking it in stride and looking like he was going to cry like he usually did before giving in, he stood up from his desk and called her ungrateful. Sad. Scared. Miserable.

What infuriated her most, was the fact that he nailed everything she was feeling with just a few sentences. It took her the better part of a year to figure out what she was feeling and he managed to explain it all in less than 30 seconds. This man she respected and cared about, who became like a father-figure to her, just brought her down to size and summed up her whole miserable life up until that point. And it was all caught on film.

But he missed a few key emotions still coursing through her veins: Regret. Guilt. Pain. Darkness. Emptiness. Just to name a few.

The little ray of sunshine that she grew to love over those 9 months was gone. That perfect pink bundle that was the sum total of all of the happiness and love she felt to the depths and breadths of her soul was gone, and she wasn't coming back.

And honestly she was irate.

She was irate with herself for letting the little girl go. As soon as the nurses placed Beth in her arms and she felt the tiny weight against her chest, she finally felt completely happy and content for once in her life. Like she finally did something good. Created something so perfect and beautiful to call her own. Those perfect pouty little lips and smile she inherited from Puck. Those devastatingly precious cheeks, soft skin and eyes she inherited from Quinn. Holding her daughter made her feel whole and complete. A feeling she would give absolutely anything in the world to feel again.

That was, until Shelby showed up in town with perfect little Beth in tow. Puck tried to get her to go talk to Shelby and see Beth, but she couldn't. She wanted to feel like she had closed that chapter in her life, but she knew that too was a lie.

So she confronted Shelby, told the older woman that she was Beth's true mother and that Shelby couldn't take that away from her. Shelby told her a few things in return but Quinn wasn't really listening, choosing to focus on the fact that her daughter was that much closer to her at that point.

Puck confronted her a few days later, saying he saw their daughter and she's absolutely perfect. She still looks just like Quinn too. Seeing him there in front of her talking about their daughter and how amazing the little girl is broke Quinn's heart and she knew she needed to see her again.

She sucks up her pride and goes to speak to Shelby again, asking if she could see Beth, but Shelby shuts her down, telling her to clean up her act and then maybe. So Quinn begs to see a picture, and busts into tears upon seeing Puck and their perfect little baby girl, two-thirds of the perfect family picture. And at that point, she would do anything to be a part of that picture again.

She's still upset, but she thinks she can do something about it. She loses the black clothes and the pink hair, instead going back to her old wholesome look and hoping Shelby falls for it. She even enlists Puck's help in getting Beth back, the two of them talking Shelby into letting them babysit.

Quinn takes the opportunity to spend time with her daughter while at the same time planting silly things like hot sauce with Beth's name on it and a dumb book on "baby sacrifices" in the house. She would never plant anything that could seriously hurt her little girl, but she hoped this would be enough to get Child Protective Services to pay Shelby a visit and deem her to be an unfit mother. Then Quinn would be the next logical choice, right? She was the little girl's mother after all.

But after a few weeks go by and nothing has happened, she finally speaks to Shelby, deciding that it may be better to just join her glee club. That way she would be able to see Beth more often and keep her enemies close so she could keep an eye on Shelby.

But instead of accepting her as part of the group Shelby hesitates at first. Quinn is confused but she agrees to give her more time, wondering aloud to Puck why nothing is working.

Finally, she decides to just go over to Shelby's and see why she hadn't called back, taking Beth a gift in the process. When she arrives, Shelby starts yelling at her, telling her she opened up to Quinn but she threw it back in her face, basically calling her a selfish little girl who knows nothing about raising a child or being a mother.

"You have no idea what it means to be a mother. It's not about whose body she comes out of. It's about accepting the fact that you don't matter anymore. That your feelings and your life and your body, they all come second to making sure that child is happy and safe."

Quinn made a few comments that probably exacerbated the situation, calling her a "cash whore" for giving Rachel up for money. Granted, probably not the smartest move but Quinn has never been one for thinking before she speaks, especially if that truth is what she believes. She wants to scream at Shelby, curse the fact that she only seems to concern herself with keeping Quinn away from their daughter, when in reality she should be stepping up to be a part of her own daughter Rachel's life instead of going out of her way to make Quinn's life miserable.

Shelby tries to show her the door, but Quinn doesn't move. Instead, something inside of her wants, no needs to know. "Is Puck still going to get to see her?" she asks quietly.

"This conversation is over," Shelby snaps, waving her hand and ushering her out the door.

She storms off but by that time, Quinn has her answer. Only she and Puck knew about all of the stuff she put in Shelby's apartment. Only she and Puck knew that they wanted to get their baby back. Puck was the one who told Shelby and warned her about Quinn's plan and for that she was raging pissed.

But what was worse, was the fact that she _had_ noticed the wistful glances between the Shelby and Puck before. And that 'Hot for Teacher' number was a dead giveaway that he had a slight crush. Plus, he had been spending quite a bit of time over there, Shelby allowing him to see Beth more than she let Quinn, which really hurt. And by not answering Quinn's question at the end, Shelby all but acknowledged there was something going on between the two of them and basically admitted that Puck would still get to see Beth while she was planning on cutting Quinn completely out of the picture.

But Puck still stringing her on, pretending to go along with her plan all while secretly sabotaging her from within. For what? So he could start his own relationship with Shelby and thus have an instant family with her and Beth? So the two of them could play house while Quinn was forced to look on from a distance while her little ray of sunshine Beth, the man she loved and the woman she detested lived happily ever after? So he could help Shelby live out all of Quinn's dreams?

No, this was beyond hurt. This felt like a betrayal.

It finally happened. All of Quinn's nightmares had come true. She lost Puck to _her._She lost all hope of ever seeing her daughter again. She lost her heart, lying broken on the side of the road as she drove home in the rain.

And it absolutely enraged her that she could do nothing about it now. Or could she?


	3. Bargaining

**A/N:** _So these chapters are kind of short considering how much I tend to write. Hope you've been enjoying it so far. _

**The Five Stages of Quinn Fabray**

_**Bargaining**_

The hole still hasn't gone away and after her last run-in with Shelby, she is desperate to figure out some way to fill it. She racks her brain trying to come up with something, anything to make the pain go away but nothing is coming to her.

Until she looks over at her nightstand, the silver framed photo of her, Puck and Beth sitting together in the hospital right after Beth was born catching her eye, and she feels a tear trickle down her cheek at the memory. She loved that feeling, holding her daughter while Puck looked on protectively. She wants nothing more than to get that feeling of happiness back, that same feeling of completeness and wholeness that made her actually feel like a person instead of the feared (scared) bitch she was before and the hollow shell she has been ever since.

And it hits her.

Just re-do it. Recreate that night and do it all over again.

It seemed so simple all of a sudden. If Shelby got Beth and Quinn couldn't do anything about it, then why not start her own family again. Beth would always be her first born, her little girl, and Quinn knew she couldn't replace her, but maybe she could help fill the hole in her chest with the love she would feel from having another baby.

So she tried to set it all in motion, calling Puck back over to where their whole story started: her bedroom, complete with no condoms and a 6 pack of wine coolers on the bedside table.

She offers him a drink, attempting to seduce him the same way he seduced her almost 2 years ago. New to this sort of thing she decides to just go for it, starting with kissing him, nipping at his jaw and suckling the spot behind his ear when she her hands move to his chest and start unbuttoning his shirt.

"Quinn, what's going on?"

"I want you, Puck. I want us back," she replies backing off slightly but running her hands down his chest toward his pants, "and I want to feel you again."

"You don't really want that, Q," he replies, his gaze never leaving hers.

She draws back a bit more, slowly drawing the zipper down the back of her white sundress. She tries to go for a sexy look but she's not sure it's working at this point so she responds, "I do, Puck, I do! Please," she pleads, "I know you love Beth and get to see her all the time so why not add to the family a little, make her a little brother or sister?"

"Are you insane?" he asks, his eyes wide with shock, "We're in high school, we couldn't do it the first time, what makes you think we could make it work this time?"

"I just do, ok? I know we could make it work if we tried! Please Puck, please just make me feel something, anything again," she asks, the desperation in her voice straining her words.

"Quinn, I can't," he replied before watching her slump back down on the bed in defeat, the pain on her face apparent as she rolls over onto her side away from him. He still cares about her and it's obvious that she is still hurting, so he decides to put his arm around her and hold her, hoping that may calm her down a bit.

But it doesn't, she feels tense and rejected and cold all at the same time, Puck's arms doing nothing to help warm her inside. She feels his breath on his neck as he leans over her and whispers in her ear.

"I have something to tell you, but you have to promise not to tell anybody else."

She has a bad feeling about this but she still nods, a tiny part of her hoping to hear that he still cares for her. Hoping to hear anything except what she fears the most. But she's not that lucky.

"I um, I kinda slept with Shelby. I know it sounds bad and everything, but I really think there is a connection there. I care about you Quinn and I wanted to be honest with you, but you've got to stop doing stuff like this. It's not good for you and it's not good for Beth."

And that right there, was the moment Quinn felt her heart break into tiny pieces. Her body began to shake and she brushed his arm off of her, the anger she felt before returning as she sprung out from under his grasp.

Kinda slept with her? How do you kinda sleep with somebody? That's like being kinda pregnant.

"How dare you," she challenged, her eyes filled with fire and tears as she stared him down, "First, you betray our secret to Shelby and tell her about the stuff I put in her apartment and about Child Protective Services."

"Quinn, you did that to yourse—" he tried to say, but Quinn was beyond control at this point.

"You tell Shelby everything so that you can see Beth, OUR daughter more often than me. Then you fall for her and sleep with _her,_" the name Shelby feeling far too bitter on Quinn's tongue to even say out loud again. She tries to control the tears that are now freely flowing down her cheeks but it is of no use at this point, "Then you think it's ok to come and tell me that? Right after I throw myself at you and ask you to make love to me again, you reject me then think it's a good idea to tell me you slept with _her_? How dare you!"

Puck looks at her, his expression a bit pained as he tries to search for the words, only coming up with, "Quinn, I'm sorry."

"You're _sorry_? _You__'__re_ sorry? No Puck, I'm sorry," she cries, the tears coming faster than she can wipe them away, "I'm sorry I took Beth away from you. I'm sorry that you feel like you're falling for Shelby simply _because_ she has Beth. I'm sorry that I trusted you and told you what I was feeling and what I wanted," she pauses, the sobs gaining in strength as she continued, "But I'm most sorry for the fact that I deluded myself into thinking you actually _cared_. That you actually did love me when you said that at the hospital. That I actually loved you back," the last sentence uttered barely above a whisper.

She watches for a few moments as he registers what she said, his face contorting into one of hurt and guilt, "Quinn, I – I just –"

Her eyes drop to the floor, her voice small but firm as she interrupts him again, "You should go."

"Quinn –"

"You need to leave. Now," she replies more forcefully than before, her eyes glued to the floor as he picks up his coat and exits the room, the front door slamming on the way out.

She takes several deep breaths and tries to get her emotions back in check and under control, a task that is proving incredibly difficult considering the current circumstances. She wipes the tears away, choosing to try and regroup herself so she can figure out what to do next.

Quinn is stumped for a few days when the answer comes strolling through the door: Sam.

She's not quite sure why he's back and she's not sure she cares but all she can think of is starting a new family with Sam instead of Puck. He is good looking, kind, caring and he would make a good father to their children. Why would she need Puck? (She needs him more than she is willing to admit, despite the anger and confusion, but she can't think about that right now. She is willing to give up that idea of happiness for something that will fill the hole, a hole that she believes only another child can fill).

So she gets him alone after school one day, propositioning him as well, telling him that they made a good couple and trying to assure him that they will make a great family. She even tries to kiss him to initiate the whole thing.

But Sam won't let her, backing off and away from her a bit before turning her down as gently and politely as he can. He explains that he still cares for Quinn… as a friend only though. He admits that he really wants Mercedes back and is willing to do whatever to try and make that work.

He apologizes again and walks off, leaving her standing there feeling alone and empty yet again. The hole is still there, gaping open widely as she thinks about what happens next, feeling like there is nothing left she can do.

She can barely stand the cold, shapeless void, the darkness creeping up on her until it consumes her all together. Then everything once colorful in life truly fades to shades of black and gray.

x-x-x-x-x

**A/N 2:** _So how is it so far? Next up: Depression and Acceptance..._


	4. Depression

******A/N:**_ I just wanted to take a second to say thank you to everyone for reading! 500+ views, several alerts and 2 reviews! Thanks Olacindy and andsoitis2! Definitely not bad for this little ditty. Sorry this chapter is short, but the next one will be a bit longer. Thanks again!_

**The Five Stages of Quinn Fabray**

_**Depression**_

_**(though some people call it desperation, but we all know the stages all blend together anyway…)**_

She doesn't know what time it is. Doesn't really care about what day it is either. All she knows is that she has been lying in bed for what seems like forever and isn't really motivated to move from that spot. Ever again.

She doesn't care that they won Sectionals. She doesn't care that her phone has been blowing up with calls and messages from the glee kids asking where she's been at school the past few days. She just doesn't care.

She feels nothing. Nothing but sadness, regret, pain, resent, guilt, and emptiness. Simply a dark, cold void. Nothing good that's for sure. She also is pretty convinced that she has managed to cry all of the water out of her body, but after a while, the memories return and her body proves her wrong yet again.

After giving her a few days to herself, her mom gets fed up with her wallowing, forcing her to go back to school and face the music "the way a proud Fabray should."

God she wanted to slap her mother, but then again, she couldn't really bring herself to care enough to raise her hand.

School was a blur and she felt like she was walking around like a zombie. A zombie who still refused to make eye contact with Puck and went out of her way to avoid seeing Shelby all together. A zombie who stopped turning in homework assignments and a zombie who just didn't feel like singing during glee club any more. She felt like there was a 2000 lb. weight crushing her chest, but she could do nothing to make it feel any less of a burden.

Rachel noticed her somber mood and the way she and Puck sat on opposite ends of the risers, refusing to even look at Puck let alone the rest of the class. She tried to say something to Quinn after class, but Quinn brushed her off, ignoring her and choosing to rifle through her bag instead.

Mr. Shuester noticed as well, calling Quinn over after all of the other kids had left before asking her what was going on. His words were like silk against her battered soul and his mere presence was enough to calm the inner storm brewing fiercely through every cell in her body.

And before she knew it, she was a blubbering mess, sobbing uncontrollably as she broke down and she told Mr. Schuester all about giving her daughter up, and about Beth and Shelby coming back to town, and how she tried to frame her to show she was an unfit mother, and about Puck and Shelby and how she was convinced Puck was falling for her, and how he and Sam had rebuked her advances, and finally how she felt so worthless and empty all the time now.

She told him how much she missed Beth and how she regretted giving her up, and how she felt like her world was collapsing in around her and how all the color and happiness around her had simply faded to gray, openly admitting that she wasn't sure if she could go on living like this. Wasn't sure if she _wanted_ to go on living like this.

All the while he sat there and rubbed her back, calming her and holding her like she wished her father had done for her.

(She consoled herself slightly at the thought that she felt absolutely no romantic feelings toward Mr. Schue, since if Shelby and Puck's situation were reversed and it were she and Mr. Schue, the school board would be calling for his head... Instead, this man was like a father figure to her, one that she never had the privilege of having. And part of her wasn't sure if she deserved his kindness either).

He held her and she cried and she knew he didn't judge her at all. It felt good to get it all off of her chest for once and to finally be real and honest with someone.

Then he dropped the bomb. He consoled her and talked her through her feelings but still came to the same sad conclusion.

Maybe she needed to take a step back and give Shelby and Beth space.

Shelby made a good point, she needed to start thinking about the best interests of her daughter instead of thinking about what would make her personally happy. She knew that would end up being the ultimate answer in the future, but she never thought she would actually have to admit it out loud. She just finally got to see her daughter for the first time since she was born and she wanted desperately to be a part of her life.

But a small part of her knew what she had to do.

She had to say goodbye.

For now, for forever, for however long it took until Shelby decided it was ok to let her back in. But no matter how much she tried to find a loophole or some other option, she still managed to circle back to this one. She was going to have to give her little girl up once again.

She was going to have to say goodbye again. And goodbyes are never easy, especially when you're talking about saying goodbye to your own child.

x-x-x-x-x

_Well? What do you think? Next, Acceptance...maybe. _


	5. Acceptance

**A/N:**_Thanks again for reading. This chapter may contain spoilers...maybe. I don't really know for sure, but it's a theory I've got going on at this point. This also may (or may not- havent decided yet) be the last chapter, so I hope you like it. _

* * *

><p><strong>The Five Stages of Quinn Fabray<strong>

_**Acceptance**_

Quinn mulled her predicament over and over and over again until it threatened to drive her insane. She needed to be the bigger person here, but how?

How do you say goodbye to your own daughter?

What do you say when you don't know if you will ever get to see her again? To look into the eyes she inherited from you again? To see her perfect rosy cheeks or crooked smile that she got from her father again?

She had no clue what to say. And probably wouldn't until she actually got to see Beth again.

And yes, she was going to see Beth again, that was for sure. She didn't give a shit if Shelby didn't want her around, she was going to say this in person and spend one last moment with her daughter before parting with her for what could be forever. No, she would be there to hug her and kiss her one last time, even if it meant pissing Shelby off again. (Though in Quinn's mind, she reasoned that she would only have to wait until Beth was 18 before seeing her again... but 18 was another 17 years off and even then, who knows where the two of them would be or what Beth would think of her by then. No, she needed to get this out now).

Speaking of Shelby, there was one last thing she needed to do before heading over to her apartment. Quinn sat down at her desk and pulled out her stationary, the same pale pink notepad and pen her parents got her for her twelfth birthday and started writing, jotting everything down she felt Shelby should be aware of before tucking it into an envelope. She stuck the envelope into her pocket before making her way out to her car and driving over to the place her little girl lived... one last time.

x-x-x-x-x

She heard muffled voices as she approached the door, quickly realizing that Shelby was not alone and it was highly unlikely that Beth would be the one carrying on a conversation with her at the age of one. She raps on the door a few times before it swings wide open, Shelby's face going from smiling to serious and hard-lined in an instant.

She simply stares at Quinn, the moment awkward as they both contemplate what should happen next. Quinn decides to break the silence first, "May I please come in. Just for a second?"

"I don't think that is a good idea, Quinn. We already talked about this. I don't think you being around right now is the best thing for Beth."

"I understand. And you won't have to worry about me again after tonight if that is what you decide is best for Beth in the long run. All I am asking for is a moment with my daughter. I just want to see her. One last time," the last three words strangled as they leave her mouth, the tears already beginning to well up in her eyes as she knows what's coming.

Shelby sighs and stands aside allowing Quinn in. Quinn was right, Shelby wasn't alone. Puck was there too, bouncing their little girl on his hip as he stared at her, his expression filled with guilt. But she doesn't see that. She can't bring herself to look him in the eye.

She slips the envelope out of her pocket and on to the counter before walking towards him, Puck gently handing Beth over without saying a word. The little girl simply stares up at Quinn and smiles, the first one Quinn has ever seen out of her and that alone is cause for a few tears to slip freely down her cheeks.

She gives Beth a watery smile in return before pulling her into a hug, rubbing soothing circles up and down the little girl's back before pulling away to look her in the eye. Beth is mesmerized by Quinn, her eyes never straying and Quinn knows that the longer she waits, the harder this is going to be. (Like it could get any harder than it already is…)

"Beth. My sweet baby girl. I know you're still little and don't know who I am but I'm Quinn. I'm your mommy," she says, the last word coming out strained as though it got caught in her throat, "The last time I got to hold you like this was when you were just born, and I would give _anything_ to go back in time and do things a bit differently if I could. But I can't."

She took a deep breath and gently wiped under her eyes before looking back at the toddler in her arms, "And when I had the chance to be with you again, I messed it all up, and I am so sorry for that. I made some mistakes and did some things that I am not proud of and because of that, it's best that I step back and go away for a little while."

Quinn let out a strangled sob, her emotions running high as she continued despite the tears dripping down her cheeks, "But I need you to know a few things before I go. I never want you to think that I didn't want you or that I didn't love you," she explained quietly before another sob wracked her body, "It was _because_ I love you that I gave you up. So you could have a better life than the one I could give you. But giving you up was by far the hardest thing I have ever had to do."

The tears began coming down faster and faster, her vision blurred as she wiped them away, determined not to miss a moment of this as it could be her last with her daughter. That thought brought another wave of tears and the tightness of her throat threatened to not allow her to say the last little bit of what she needed to get out.

"But I need you to remember one thing, sweetheart, ok? I need you to remember that mommy loves you. And I always will," she sobbed again, trying desperately to swallow the lump of emotion caught in her throat.

She tried to speak again but nothing came out, so she held the little girl closer, kissing her rosy cheeks and forehead a few times. Her breathing started coming in short pants, the thought of parting with her daughter literally stealing the air from her lungs as she was borderline hyperventilating.

She pulled back and gazed into her daughter's beautiful hazel eyes, lightly tracing Beth's features with the tip of her finger and committing them all to memory to be remembered and recounted for the rest of her life. Her perfect pink lips, that cute nose, the gentle slope of her ears.

The little girl reciprocated the act, raising her small wrinkly knuckles to Quinn's lips and dragging them across her face. Quinn gently took the little hand and kissed it sweetly, more sobs wracking her body as she ruffled her daughter's blonde curls.

Chin trembling, she brought Beth closer one last time, kissing her forehead and inhaling deep, wanting to savor her sweet baby smell one last time.

"Please remember, my sweet, precious little girl. Remember that I love you," she pleaded, murmuring against Beth's warm skin, Quinn's hot tears landing gently against the crown of her head before she whispered, "I will _always_ love you."

She sobbed again, slowly pushing Beth away from her as she extended her arms and handed her back to Shelby, whispering a soft "thank you" in return. As soon as the little girl left her fingers, Beth began to wail, the little girl holding out her hands and motioning for Quinn as though she felt the pain of their separation already as well.

Quinn was speechless, the tears and emotions overwhelming her body as she drew a hand up in front of her mouth to contain the sobs, crying into it for a few seconds before turning on her heel and walking out of the apartment, trying her best to ignore her daughter's cries and Puck calling for her as she practically raced down the hallway and out to her car.

(What she'll never tell anyone is the fact that she actually vomited as soon as she made it outside, the pain and anguish in her chest, the sickness in her stomach and the shattered pieces of her heart literally making her physically ill.)

Once she was seated in the driver's seat, the floodgates really opened up wide, and Quinn let herself cry, sitting there and sobbing into her steering wheel for a good while until she couldn't bear the sight of Shelby's building anymore.

So maybe she hadn't fully accepted the situation yet. That dark void in her chest may have actually gotten larger that night, but she knows she's doing what's right. What was best for her daughter.

She loves Beth with all of her heart and she knew that she needed to come to terms with the fact that there would always be something missing in her life.

That the hole would probably never go away completely.

No, she was far from ok. She was far from accepting the situation and coming to terms with everything. But eventually, maybe she would.

x-x-x-x-x-x

Later that night, after Quinn had left and they had put Beth to bed, Shelby asked Puck to leave, the whole evening taking a toll on them all emotionally and she just needed some space. On his way out he saw the pink envelope sitting on the counter addressed to Shelby, Quinn's familiar scrawl easy to distinguish on the front. He picked it up and handed it to her, awkwardly hugging her before heading out the door.

(What he didn't tell her was that he really was leaving to track down Quinn and see how she was doing. Really, to apologize is more like it. He knew it would be futile, but after what happened tonight, he felt an inexplicable pull toward her. The pain and anguish on her face as she said goodbye to their little girl was more than he could take. If he were honest with himself, he would openly admit that he still loved her, and maybe eventually, he hoped she too may love him again.)

Shelby sat down at the counter and blew out a deep breath, gently tearing the envelope open and gingerly extracting the pink letter before beginning to read:

_Shelby,_

_I know you probably hate me, and given what I have done, I can't say that I blame you. I have come to terms with the fact that she is your daughter too and that she is with you now, and I need to respect that and give you space to let you parent her the way you see fit. It has been a rough road lately for me, but that is still no excuse for my behavior and for that I am sorry._

_I'm not sure you have any idea how hard it is saying goodbye to your child not once, but twice within a year. I haven't even said the words yet and already I can barely stand the thought. It makes me sick just thinking about it, actually. It has taken me over a year to get used to the fact that my daughter may never know me. It has taken over a year to swallow the fact that I will never hear her call me "mommy" or be there to watch her grow up, to kiss all of her bumps and bruises and sooth her when she's upset or to laugh with her when she's happy. _

_All that I can ask now is that she eventually know that I didn't give her up for adoption because I didn't love her and didn't want her. I need her to know that giving her up was the hardest thing I have ever had to do and it was because I loved her so much that I had to give her up so she could have a better life than the one she would have had with me._

_But you know that feeling, I'm sure you do. As reluctant as I have been to compare our situations, I am sure you feel the same way about Rachel that I do about Beth. And nothing will ever change that. Honestly, and I know I'm probably pushing it, but if the day ever comes where you feel ok with me being a part of Beth's life again, I would jump at the chance, this time completely playing by your rules. I would do anything you asked just for the opportunity to get to spend time with her again, to hold her again, watch her grow up and to tell her I love her again. Anything. But right now, I realize that is probably not a possibility._

_I love Beth with all of my heart and it will always feel like something is missing in my life without her, but I know that saying goodbye is what is best for her right now. I don't want to confuse her or embroil her in some type of feud or hurt her in any way, shape or form. So it's probably best if I remove myself from the picture. And I will keep my word on that and you will not hear from me again if that is what you decide is best for her._

_I love her and am doing what I feel is best for Beth._

_ And in return, all I ask is for you to do the same._

_You once told me that being a mother was about realizing that you don't matter anymore and that your feelings, your life, your desires and your body come in second to making sure your child is happy and safe. _

_Having said that, there is something you should know..._

_If you weren't already aware, teacher/student relations are illegal in the state of Ohio... and pretty much the other 49 states as well. Not just immoral or frowned upon, but illegal. If the student is under the age of majority, or sixteen, it is considered statutory rape. However, if the student is over the age of 16, a relationship with said student is considered sexual battery. It doesn't matter that he is of age or he consents, the teacher is the one in a position of trust, responsibility and authority over their students and a school board can charge them with a felony if anyone were to find out. A felony that happens to carry a sentence of anywhere from six months to several years in jail, let alone probation, restitution, fines, etc. In fact, a gym teacher in Cleveland was just sentenced to 4 years for the same thing. No joke, Google it._

_Now, before you make any assumptions, I want you to know that this is not, in any way, a threat or an act of jealousy. I'll admit that while I wanted to get you fired for sleeping with Puck for a while there, I know that is not what's in Beth's best interests. The state would most likely take her away from you and there is no telling where she would go if you were put on trial or went to jail. And more likely than not, there is really no way they would let Puck or myself have custody, given our ages and proximity to the conflict. Therefore, your secret is safe with me. I am not going to tell anybody because even if it kills me to admit it, she is better off with you than with anyone else, or God forbid stuck in the state system._

_Additionally, while I still love Puck and probably always will, I am not doing this out of envy or jealousy. I took Beth away from Puck once and I'll be damned if he looks at me the way he did when we walked out of the hospital without her a year ago again. I can't bear the thought of him hating and resenting me for taking her away from him again._

_I love him too much for that, and it is because I love him that I want him to be happy and get to spend time with his daughter, even if I can't be with either one of them._

_I am telling you this to challenge you to do the right thing now, to practice what you preach and back up your own statement by putting yourself and your desires second to Beth's. Do what is in her best interests and break it off with Puck. And right now, her best interests are to grow up in a household with you, someone who will love her and care for her the way I want to be able to._

_I love Beth and I do want what is best for her. So I ask you again, please do the same._

_I don't blame you if you still hate me by the end of this letter. I just hope that eventually, deep down you understand where I am coming from. And eventually, though it may be a long, long shot at this point, I hope we can get to a place where all three of us can see her and be respectful toward one another, without the hostilities or bad blood. Eventually, I truly hope that is what you decide is best for Beth._

_Sincerely,_

_Quinn Fabray_

The letter dropped from Shelby's trembling fingers, the raven-haired woman having read the lines over and over again as the words finally sunk in. While she never wanted to admit it, Quinn was right. Smart girl...

She overstepped her bounds with Puck and she knew it. She had made a mistake letting Puck get too close with her, and even though it felt good having some male attention for her and a great guy who loved Beth around, she needed to cool it for a while, at least until Puck got the picture and backed off.

Maybe they could work it out eventually, but right now she needed to distance herself from the situation a bit. She sent a quick text to Puck, telling him it was over between the two of them but he could still come see Beth, on a more sensible schedule instead of late at night. Her glee club had decided to merge back with Schuester's kids so there was really nothing holding her down at the moment, so she got on her computer and started researching.

By the end of the night, she had booked a stay in New York for the holidays, deciding that Christmas and winter break would make the perfect time to get out of Lima for a while and get her life straightened back out. She would come back after break and hopefully find another substitute position or something, but until then she would keep an open mind and pray that nobody else found out about her and Puck.

She wasn't blind. She saw the pain on Quinn's face as she said goodbye. Despite what the girl had done to try and sabotage her family, she knew how hard it was to watch someone else love and care for your child while you're forced to watch them grow up without you. She thought of Rachel and how there was never a day that went by without thinking about how she was, what she looked like, what she was doing and who she was now, let alone the constant flood of "what if" questions that plagued her for what seemed like forever. She loved both of her daughters, just as Quinn would continue to love Beth for the rest of her life.

Quinn made a sacrifice and to Shelby, that was a sign that she was growing up. Even though she may definitely question the girl's judgment at times, she wasn't completely heartless and unaffected by the display of love and pain that occurred in her living room that evening. It pained Shelby a little bit to see Beth react the way she did toward Quinn as she left, but she can also remember the time she said goodbye to Rachel and how the tiny brunette wouldn't stop crying when she passed the bundle over to Rachel's dads.

Who the hell was she kidding? Yes, Quinn made some mistakes, but she knew what it was like to miss somebody so much that you would do absolutely anything to get them back in your life. (Even getting your show choir's top star to transfer schools just to keep an eye on them and point them in your direction). She'd been there, done that and it would be hypocritical of her to condemn Quinn from Beth's life when she wanted nothing more than to be back in Rachel's life, even if it meant going to some pretty great lengths a few years ago to do so.

She most certainly wasn't reneging on the idea of letting Quinn and Puck stay in their daughter's life. She knew that both of them and Beth needed each other in their lives and she didn't want to take that away from them. Quinn loved her daughter, that much was apparent, and if she was true to her word, Shelby thought they may be able work something out. She just needed time to figure out how to handle the situation. But for the time being, she knew she needed to make a change for Beth's sake.

Eventually, they would all be fine.

Eventually, everything would work out.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

**_So, what did everybody think?_**

_I had to throw some legal stuff in there... this story line with Puck and Shelby is killing me, and frankly if I found out that one of my kid's teachers was having an affair or whatever with a student, I would be enraged. However, I wanted to give some of the power back to Quinn in a situation where she feels completely powerless to begin with. I wanted her to be the one to step up and make that sacrifice (if necessary - hopefully not in the show) :( At the same time, I think Quinn makes the perfect person to explain the ramifications of Shelby's actions to her, because this nonsense with Puck is getting disgusting and starting to wade in dangerous waters. Gives Quinn an equal footing too, if Shelby is going to call her out, Quinn should be able to call Shelby out too!_

_ (All of the legal stuff was true, by the way... they take those kinds of allegations very seriously and she's risking a lot by continuing this little tryst with Puck). I know she wants Puck involved, as do I, but she needs to be careful not to go too far or she's gonna get in big trouble. I just want to ask her if she thinks the risks of losing everything is worth messing around with Puck. And that is officially the end of my soap box 2.0 for the day... Please let me know what you thought!_


	6. Coming to Terms

**A/N:** _All of the responses I've gotten from this story so far have been so wonderful! Thank you all so much! I truly feel for Quinn and I hope she finds some peace of mind and can heal this season. For some reason, there is just something about this story line that keeps sucking me in…so I decided to continue the story. Don't know how much longer, but who knows?_

* * *

><p><strong>Coming to Terms…<strong>

Quinn slipped her sandals off before making her way down the stone steps and out onto the sand, not even caring that it would probably ruin the pedicure she just got. She knelt down and took a handful of the fine white sand, watching the tiny grains slowly slip through her fingers.

She smiled sardonically and shook her head at the natural metaphor for her life.

Everything beautiful she touched seemed to slip through her fingers…

She took a few more steps towards the edge of the water, the Pacific Ocean swells lightly crashing into the beach as the water gently flowed over her bare feet. She took a deep breath, inhaling the sweet, salty air.

"_I see you somewhere warm and glamorous, like L.A. or Miami or Toronto."_

Quinn found herself smiling at Puck's statement and lack of geography skills. He always had an uncanny way of making her feel better.

But just the thought of Puck made her chest ache. She looked out over the horizon at the sail boats and the soon-to-set sun and couldn't help but reminisce a bit over what all had happened back in Lima.

After all of the drama that had gone down between her and Puck and Shelby, she felt like she had been walking around in a fog. She wasn't really sure what she felt at this point. She was just … numb.

_"Quinn, could I speak with you for a moment?" Shelby asked as Quinn picked up her belongings and headed for the door of the choir room._

_"Shelby, I'm not gonna lie, I don't think that's the best idea right now," she replied, trying not to sneer the words that Shelby had said to her a few week prior when she went to say goodbye to Beth._

_"Ok, fair enough. I'm just going to talk at you then," Shelby replied, crossing her arms in front of her._

_Quinn rolled her eyes and put her hands on her hips, trying to assume a confident stance when really all she felt like doing was throw up at the sight of the woman in front of her._

_"Quinn, I know you're hurting, believe me I do. I felt the same way with Rachel when I gave her up, you got me there. But I talked to somebody and it really helped. I think you should do the same. It might help you out a lot. At least it did for me."_

_"Please, spare me the psycho-babble crap. Apparently Mr. Schue took the liberty of calling my mother to inform her that he was worried too, so now I have to go see a therapist. But thank you so much for your concern," she replied with a bit of a sarcastic bite, "So, since you felt the desire to tell me what I need, I think I should tell you, in person this time, that I think you still need the therapist. I get that it's hard raising a kid and you're lonely and all, but trolling the high school for students to date or screw? Yeah, that's just wrong."_

_Shelby gave her a tight lipped smile and shook her head, "You know what Quinn, I know you're angry and hurting and scared right now, but you don't need to lash out like this every time you're upset over something. You attack people instead of trying to talk it out."_

_Quinn snapped her head up and glared at Shelby._

_"I attack people instead of trying to talk it out? How about you snapping at me and throwing me out of Beth's LIFE after Puck told you about the stuff I put in your apartment, huh? It was hot sauce and a dumb book. That was all silly. You think child protective services would have cared? Yet, you threw me out instead of trying to talk it out like adults. Talk about a double standard," Quinn stated forcefully before trying to move past Shelby to leave._

_Shelby grabbed her shoulder before she could get past her though, "Look, you're right. I owe you an apology. I am sorry, truly I am. I'm sorry for everything. And you were correct in your assessment of me in your letter, I am the adult and I have really done nothing to remedy the situation. While I will say that I feel you and Puck took advantage of the situation and my trust in you when you tried scheming to get Beth back, I lashed out at you more than Puck and I am sorry. This whole situation has gotten so convoluted and out of hand as it is and I should have stopped anything before it happened, but I didn't and that is entirely my fault."_

_Quinn shifted her feet, looking down at the floor as Shelby continued, "And I also understand why you are upset about Puck too, and frankly you have every right to be. I'm mad at myself for letting it go that far. It is obvious to me that you love Puck and you should. He is a good guy who cares about his daughter and who cares about you as well. However, I do not feel the same way about him. It was a moment of weakness and it should never have happened. However, since it did, I realize that my career here and in other high schools is probably over and I accept responsibility for that. All I ask is that you let Puck support you and you support each other through all of this. You both gave Beth up for adoption because you wanted to do what was best for her and you both are still hurting. Instead of avoiding one another or the situation, I hope that you can lean on each other for support to try and come to terms with this."_

_Quinn felt a tear roll down her cheek as she stood there staring at the floor. Shelby uncrossed her arms and walked up next to Quinn, placing a hand on her shoulder as she continued, "Quinn, I know you love Puck, and you obviously love Beth because otherwise you wouldn't have been able to do what you did a few weeks ago. That to me is a sign that you are growing up and becoming an adult. I saw how much it pained you to do what you did, but I understood why you did it and I respect you for it. I felt the same way when I said goodbye to Rachel."_

_"But Quinn, you're only eighteen. As much as you probably don't want to hear it, you're still a child. You have a lot of living left to do and a lot of potential to go on and do great things. You should go out there and make your mistakes and discover who you are now. What you did by thinking in Beth's best interests shows me that you are maturing, and that is wonderful. Dealing with situations in an adult way is good too, but please don't be too eager to grow up too fast. You should enjoy this part of your life. I know Beth would want you to. She would want to know that her mom did the best thing for her by giving her up because you were too young. She would have wanted you to live a little instead of spending the best years of your life pining away for her or trying to fill that void I know you're feeling with trying to have another baby so young."_

_Quinn's gaze shot back up at Shelby's, wondering where the hell she found out about that. Shelby gave her a soft smile and murmured, "I overheard you proposition Sam. Quinn, you are a beautiful girl with so much ahead of her. Let go of your past mistakes and live for the now. Don't try to grow up too fast because adulthood will sneak up on you soon enough and trust me, at times, it's not all that it's cracked up to be."_

_Quinn nodded her head and wiped the tears out of her eyes before swallowing the lump in her throat, "What about Beth? What's going to happen to her now?"_

_The smile disappeared from Shelby's face as her lips twisted into an uncomfortable, tight expression, "I think at this point, I do need to practice what I preached about doing what was right for Beth. You did what you thought was best so now I have to do what I think is best."_

_Shelby paused and looked at Quinn, the younger blonde's face searching hers in slight panic, "For right now, I think the best thing would be to go back to New York for a while until things settle down a bit and emotions aren't so raw. I need to get my act together and I need to give you space for you and Puck to work on yourselves for a bit."_

_Quinn felt an uncomfortable knot form in her stomach. She tried to plead with Shelby, "But I – I thought – I mean – Please don't take Beth away from Puck! I know I caused the problems but don't punish him for my mistakes."_

_"Quinn, I'm not punishing anybody. All three of us made mistakes. But you have to understand that I need to do what is best for Beth and what's best for her right now is to get her out of the cross-fire for a bit. If we don't give this situation time to settle and it blows up again, she's the one that will end up getting hurt by everything, not us. I can't let that happen, so we're taking a break for now."_

_Quinn swallowed hard and wiped her eyes. Shelby had a point, but Quinn didn't have to like it right now. Shelby patted her on the back and murmured that she wished Quinn the best and that she hoped they could work something out but for now, this is what she had to do._

_Shelby made her way towards the door, leaving Quinn standing there staring at the whiteboard before Quinn finally spoke up again, "Shelby?"_

_"Yeah?"_

_"Can you just promise me something?" Shelby looked hesitant but nodded, so Quinn continued, "Promise me that even if I can't see her again that Puck eventually will? Every girl needs a daddy in her life. Just – just, please?"_

_Shelby swallowed hard, but nodded in return. She gave Quinn a sad smile before walking out the door, and possibly walking out of Quinn's life._

"Quinn?"

Her mother's voice snapped her out of her reverie as she looked back at where the elder Fabray stood behind her, "Quinnie, are you ok?"

She forced a smile and nodded gently, "Eventually I will be."

Judy shed her sandals as well and walked out onto the beach next to Quinn, "Sweetie, I know I don't have much room to talk and try to take this for what it's worth, but it will get better. I promise you. Things are hard right now and I don't blame you for being upset or feeling bad but things will get better."

Quinn sighed dejectedly, still looking out toward the setting sun, "That's just it mom, I don't feel anything. I just feel numb."

Judy slung an arm around Quinn's shoulders and pulled her daughter in to a half-embrace, "We'll get you some help, Quinn. There is nothing wrong with needing a little help and guidance every now and then."

Quinn closed her eyes and allowed herself to soak in the warmth of the sun blanketing her face. The sun and the warm Southern California weather was a wonderful change of pace from the usual cold burden that was the Christmas holiday season. It was winter break now and it was snowing back in Lima, she thought. It was probably snowing in New York City too.

She took a deep breath to cleanse her mind of the memories flashing before her but it was no use.

A few nights ago, Judy let it slip that Puck actually stopped by their house the night Quinn said her goodbyes to her daughter. She had seen how upset Quinn had been when she had come home, the younger Fabray immediately crumpling in front of her sobbing after she asked what was wrong. Judy saw what all of this stress had done to her daughter and finally started to realize how badly she was still hurting inside after giving little Beth up for adoption a year prior and knew she needed to do something. So when Puck showed up, she refused to let him in, not wanting him to exacerbate the already fragile and emotional state Quinn was in.

He tried to argue with her but in the end Judy won and watched him walk out to his truck and drive away before heading up to Quinn's room to talk. She felt so left out of her daughter's life and knew she hadn't done much in the way of bonding with her ever since Quinn moved back in after her sophomore year, but watching her normally strong daughter fall apart in front of her was the wake-up call she needed to get her act together and start being the mother Quinn needed.

Quinn looked exhausted when she walked into her room and Judy figured she just didn't have the strength to war with her emotions anymore. It gave the mother and daughter plenty of time to hash out everything that had happened, from all of Quinn's feelings on the last two years, to what happened with Beth and how Quinn felt about that, to the Puck and Shelby situation.

They talked through everything, and by the end of the night, Judy wanted to complain to the school board about Shelby and threatened to run over Puck in her Cadillac, but Quinn refused to let her do either. She wanted to keep the Puck and Shelby thing a secret for Beth's sake. And she still loved Puck. No matter how much it hurt or how much she didn't particularly like him right now, she loved him, and she owed it to him to let him be happy.

In the end, she simply said thank you before staring down at the picture she took of Beth one of the times she babysat. The look on Quinn's face as she stared down at her granddaughter absolutely broke Judy's heart so she suggested they do something else for the holiday season and go on a trip.

Quinn actually thought it may be a good distraction and told her mom that she really wanted to look at some colleges away from Ohio, so she asked if they could maybe check out a few over break. Judy thought that was a great idea and suggested some schools around the D.C. or New York City areas as the schools around there were usually fairly prestigious. Quinn vehemently shook her head at the idea of New York, asking her mom what she thought about California.

Judy could tell that Quinn needed to get far away for a while so she booked a girls trip for just the two of them over the Christmas holiday. They were going to fly into San Francisco and make their way down the coast (and Napa Valley and wine country for Judy's sake), stopping at some well known California schools like Berkley and Stanford before making their way to the southern part of the state to see UCLA, USC and finally the University of San Diego. She thought a road trip would be a fun bonding experience and Lord knows California would be a better place to be than getting snowed in at home in Ohio.

So they packed their bags and jetted off, hoping to leave their troubles and sorrows behind.

If it were only that easy…

Quinn opened her eyes and looked down the water's edge from where they stood, watching all of the kids playing on the beach with their parents, obviously enjoying their holiday break. Seeing how happy everyone was made her chest ache at the thought that she may never get a moment like that with her daughter.

But dammit, she was here to get away from all of those feelings.

So she tried to focus on something else in the distance. A line of people appeared to be running straight toward them but she couldn't quite figure out who all of these people were until the large, burly men ran past them in perfect cadence, their t-shirts printed with the words "U.S. Navy SEALs, Coronado Island" on the back above an emblem of an eagle and a trident. One of the men even smiled as they ran past the girls before snapping his attention back to the front of the line.

Her mom giggled and made a comment about how cute they all were, and Quinn smiled at her mother's gawking as they ran past. She let herself look them over and appreciate the pure masculine strength and power these men exuded. Many of them were very good looking and she knew that several of them were not much older than she was, so she tried to find something about them that attracted her or excited her about them.

But no matter what she did or how much she tried to distract herself thinking about how attractive they were, it was no use. She had been trying to distract herself over the whole break but she couldn't get all of the thoughts about Puck and Beth out of her mind.

She wanted so desperately to feel whole again, to feel something again. _This __must __be __karma_, Quinn thought as she clutched her cardigan against her chest and waited for the ache to subside. She felt her mom tighten her embrace and felt truly grateful for the support right now because she would be even more miserable than she was now without it.

She closed her eyes again and lifted her face to the sun, letting the warm rays sooth and comfort her weary body and soul as best as they could.

Eventually she may come to terms with it all. Eventually it might get better. But right now, it felt like nothing at all.

* * *

><p><em>TBC...<em>

_Thanks again & hope you all enjoyed! Let me know what you thought, please! I love to hear from all of you!_

_And as for my faithful followers of my other stories, The Private Lives of Puck and Quinn and Be All That You Can Be, I promise you all an update here in the next few days! I swear!_


	7. Free Falling

**A/N:**_ So, I decided to add on… I like this story and I didn't want to leave it where I left it, plus I had some wonderful reviews and messages and feedback from people telling me I should continue, so I am. Thanks so much for the support and for continuing to read. Let me know what you think :) And yes, I borrowed the title of the chapter from Tom Petty. It seemed oddly fitting for some reason._

_Thanks for the reviews **andsoitis2, olacindy, nutz, Gone Rampant, Pottergirl1, I'm a gleek1994, E, Cali-447, aellen95, Electra de Lioncourt, A Amanda A, marine04, xNiight of hate, **and** Amanda0310.**_

_**x-x-x-x-x**_

**Free Falling**

The holidays proved to be a nice respite from the pain and memories that Lima, Ohio held but they were far too short and school had started back up for the spring semester.

Despite the heaviness in her heart after parting ways with her daughter and warring with her feelings for Puck throughout the break, Quinn and her mom actually had a nice time on their trip. They toured schools (Quinn loved Stanford and University of San Diego) and wineries and spent plenty of nights talking and working through their issues, ultimately emerging with a much stronger and better understanding relationship in the end.

However, the feeling of loss she felt when she thought about Beth hadn't gotten much better. She knew it would be heart-wrenching to part with her little girl but she also knew it was for the best right now. She loved her daughter and would do anything for her, even if it meant never seeing her again. She was Shelby's daughter too and knew she needed to back away for a while.

Additionally, she knew it would be tough going back to school and facing the music, but she didn't quite anticipate just how hard it would be to see Puck again. Beth was gone. Shelby took her back to New York for a bit to let things calm down in Lima and as hard as the separation was, Shelby was no longer at McKinley and therefore could no longer serve as a constant reminder of what Quinn gave up. The temptation and heartbreak was no longer physically present.

But Puck still was.

Quinn knew the rest of their friends all knew about the situation and what went down, receiving a few sympathetic yet supportive texts from Rachel, Mercedes, Tina & Mike, Sam and even Santana over the break. She thought that maybe Shelby had stopped by on her way to New York and said something to Rachel but she figured it was more likely than not Puck confiding in his friends about everything during their holiday get-together and as much as she appreciated the support, she hated the fact that everyone now knew how weak she truly was.

How weak she truly felt.

But instead of sinking into the hole she wanted to dig herself as soon as she landed back in Ohio, she decided to hold her head up high and grin and bear it, resorting to the old Fabray staple façade of strength and pretending everything was ok.

But that was easier said than done. She was able to hold it together for a little while but as soon as she saw Puck and their eyes met in passing the first morning back from break, she knew it was going to be a rough rest of the year.

Those deep, chocolate orbs seemed to bore into her as though Puck could see straight through her. But each of his glances was laced with sadness, hurt, and guilt, emotions Quinn simply couldn't deal with coming from him of all people at this point so she tried to avoid his gaze at all costs. She thought she could handle everything but one look from that mohawked boy and she felt emotionally drained, completely lacking the energy to deal with her feelings toward him and the situation as a whole.

So when he came up to her a week later and tried to talk to her in the hallway, she brushed him off, choosing to ditch the next class she sat next to him in and headed toward the auditorium. She needed some space and couldn't quite muster the courage to sit next to him, let alone in the same room as him just yet.

It was kind of pathetic that she already wanted to be alone and needed some time to think about everything and she had only been at school for a week.

_At least I made it a week_, she thought, internally groaning at the reality of her situation.

She took a seat at the rear of the auditorium and leaned her head back, coaxing herself to take deep, calming breaths and allowing her eyes to close, knowing what kinds of visions she would have to deal with on the other side of her eye lids.

Immediately, her thoughts wandered to Puck and Beth, like they always did every time she closed her eyes. They were always there.

Tempting her.

Teasing her.

Haunting her.

Her heart clenched and her chest ached, the pain an all too familiar feeling these days.

She loved Beth. That would never, ever change.

And she still loved Puck. That much was true as well.

Every time she saw him, in person or in her dreams, her heart broke a little more, if that was even possible considering it had already been shattered into a million pieces.

All in all, judging from his interactions with the rest of his friends, he seemed to be doing fine. He fit in well with the glee kids again and he seemed to be going about his days normally, without a hitch.

But every time she looked into those devastatingly gorgeous brown eyes, her chest ached with all of the feelings and emotions she feel toward that one boy. They warred with one another, waging battle after battle with her heart and she was almost at her breaking point.

Love and want.

Hurt and betrayal.

Desire and lust.

Rejection and resent.

(She knew he resented her for giving Beth up for adoption in the first place, but now that Shelby had left again, she was sure his resent would probably evolve into sheer hatred for taking their little girl away from him again, and that thought absolutely killed her.)

But what hurt the most was that every time she looked at him, she saw _her_. She saw Beth. Her perfect thing. Her child. Her daughter. The precious little girl she carried around for nine months and loved with all of her heart.

The same little girl she signed away a little over a year ago. Two swipes of a pen and she no longer had a daughter. She was no longer a mother. At least that's how she felt. She felt like a horrible person for just handing over that beautiful little human being she and Puck created. She didn't deserve the title of 'Mother.' Maybe Puck was justified in resenting her. She resented herself for what she did.

She felt empty and broken, missing that little girl every second of every minute of every hour of every day. So when she looked at Puck, she saw Beth. And she imagined the family they could have been.

The family they would never have together.

She was only 18 and shouldn't want to grow up so fast, like Shelby said, but she couldn't help it. She wanted it so badly that it physically hurt to think about.

She loved her daughter and Puck dearly, but she knew she screwed all of that up and now would never know what it would be like.

What it would be like to be a part of Beth's life, in any way, shape or form. What it would be like to be with Puck again. To feel how she felt when they were together again. To know what it was like to feel safe and protected and warm in his arms again. To remember how it felt the first time they were intimate with one another, to truly feel what it was like for him to make love to her again. To savor his gentle strength and his calming presence. To make her feel loved again. To hear him whisper that he loved her again.

She would give anything to feel that again. Just to feel something good again. To feel anything but pain and loneliness and sadness and hurt and guilt and failure again.

Ultimately, when she looked back on her miserable life thus far, this whole catastrophe that the past two years had been would go down as her biggest regret in life. She would get to live with the loss of the daughter she may never get to know and the unrequited love from a man from the wrong side of the tracks who seduced her, had a child with her and ended up making her fall in love with him. She would get to live with the fact that she single-handedly screwed up and lost the two best things that ever happened to her.

She slammed her head against the seat rest, cursing her selfishness that pushed Beth out of her life yet again and her pride that made her turn away and deny Puck for so long. She knew last year's relationships were a sham and she was never truly happy with anyone except him, but she was stupid and let him slip away.

She ached to touch him and kiss him and beg him to hold her until the pain went away but she couldn't. Not now. Not ever again.

He made it clear he didn't care about her and only cared about Beth when he approached her in the bathroom earlier in the fall. He made it abundantly clear that was no longer attracted to her or wanted her when he harshly shot her down when she propositioned him and instead slept with Shelby. She had what Puck wanted after all. She was older, more mature and she had his daughter. Quinn knew she couldn't compete with that. And even though he tried to be nice and said a few kind and supportive words the night she finally had him in her room again and tried to seduce him, it still wasn't enough to soften the blow of his rejection.

He didn't want her anymore. Maybe he never did to begin with. Maybe he never loved her and only wanted to add her as another notch to his bedpost. Maybe he was just saying that to try and convince her to keep Beth. He loved his daughter; there was no doubt about that. But maybe he never loved or cared for Quinn at all.

But even that thought couldn't make her stop loving him. She ached for him, her whole body feeling weak as she was completely consumed by the war within. Tears spilled down her cheeks as she clenched her stomach, sobs wracking her entire being as she sat there in the dark.

She was at a complete loss as to what to do or where to go from here. It felt like she was falling into a black hole, the pain and darkness consuming her as she rehashed everything again and again in her mind, still finding herself getting stuck on the fact that he didn't want her. He didn't love her.

She already gave him everything.

Her trust, her respect, her body, her child…her heart. What more did she have to offer? Far less than what Shelby had to offer.

So she cried for her daughter. And she cried for the boy who stole her heart…and who would always have it.

_Just take it one day at a time_. _Just keep breathing,_ she tried telling herself in between sobs, _and eventually you'll get through this._

At least she hoped she would. What didn't kill you could only make you stronger right? Well, in that case, she must be working toward being the strongest person ever since, emotionally, she felt as though she was on the verge of death with every passing minute.

x-x-x-x-x

Truth be told, Puck was not as ok as he seemed either. His friends all tried to be supportive and understanding as well, but his screw up and what he felt he lost seemed deeper than anyone else could possibly understand.

None of his friends had ever been in his position. None of them had ever fallen for their dream girl only to find out she was pregnant and for her to give birth to the most beautiful and perfect little baby girl, their daughter. None of them had ever endured the pain of giving their own child, their flesh and blood, up for adoption. None of them ever had that same child come back into their lives again and reconnect (even if only slightly) with their dream girl, only to screw it up by screwing their daughter's adoptive mother in the heat of the moment.

And none of them had ever lost their dream girl AND their perfect daughter for a second time, their entire world going up in smoke because they couldn't keep it in their pants. None of them had ever lost everything they cared about because of a stupid fucking mistake, when they should have known better in the first place.

He played both Shelby and Quinn, so maybe he deserved this. Maybe he deserved this perpetual hell on earth for what he did. And the thing that killed him the most was that every time he caught himself staring at Quinn from across the room (which was frequently these days) or managed to look her in those deep, green pools, he felt as though she was letting him see into the depths of her soul.

For the fleeting moments when their eyes connected, before she was able to steel her emotions or look away, he swore he could see the hurt and pain he caused, the heartbreak she was suffering, and the loss she felt. He swore he could see her heart shatter over and over again with every blink of the eye, with every tiny furtive glance. It was always there. Haunting him. And he was miserable because of it.

The only girl he'd ever loved (besides his daughter), the only girl he ever openly admitted to loving, and he hurt her.

He shattered her trust and her heart.

He broke her.

And it ate away at him every minute of every day since he told Quinn about him and Shelby, and especially after he watched her whole world collapse around her when she said goodbye to their daughter. That night just about killed him.

He watched the wall she so carefully built up around her tumble down as she laid herself out there, exposing just how vulnerable and scared and hurt she was by having to make the decision she did, but he knew she did it out of love for Beth.

They both had made some mistakes but that night he stood by and watched as her face crumpled and she openly wept while she said her goodbyes to their daughter for a second time. He could feel the anguish in her heart as she sobbed and held Beth tight, kissing her on her perfect little cheeks and savoring the feeling of their daughter in her arms for what could be the last time.

And he did nothing.

He said nothing.

He accepted the fact that Shelby booted Quinn out of Beth's life without even sticking up for her or trying to talk things out with either woman. He was content with his time with Beth and never gave a second thought to what would happen to Quinn when he told Shelby about the stuff in her apartment or after he slept with Shelby. Quinn was never even a passing consideration. He never thought about the repercussions or fall-out when shit hit the fan. He only thought about himself, his relationship with his daughter and his infatuation with Shelby.

And _he_ was the one who called _Quinn_ selfish…

He was partially responsible for setting her up like that with Shelby, going along with her plan for the most part then exposing her without warning or without trying to talk her out of it first.

He even encouraged her to talk to Shelby in the first place about seeing Beth and pushed her into spending time with their daughter, knowing how hard it was to give the little girl up a year ago. He acted like he supported her and got her to clean up her act so she could be there for their daughter, despite her resistance and reluctance to open that can of worms again, but he still pushed her.

He told her all about his visit to see Beth that first time. He should have known that would have thrown her for a loop and affected her. Maybe he was trying to get a rise out of her or maybe he was trying to see if part of the old Quinn was still in there, under the heavy make-up and pink hair. To be honest, he didn't really know what his motives were in pushing her like that but he still pushed.

But the part that made him absolutely sick to his stomach was the fact that he was still in love with Quinn and yet, he still threw her under the bus like that.

He was heartbroken and hurt after they gave Beth up for adoption and Quinn broke up with him that fateful summer, but he pretended like he didn't care and that everything was all good. He put on the tough guy act and hooked back up with Santana (even though they both knew they were each in love with other people, it was comforting to find some distraction from everything).

Yet, no matter what he did, part of him still loved Quinn. Sure, she reminded him of his daughter and that hurt, but he couldn't help it. He still cared for her and loved her. But then she got together with Sam and he figured if she could move on, so could he. He tried and pretended (unbeknownst to him, Quinn was doing the same) not to care and pretended that everything was ok.

But it wasn't ok.

He still loved her. He was still in love with her now.

And she was hurting and it was his fault and he didn't know how to fix it.

Quinn was one of the only people (besides his Ma & Mr. Schue) who trusted him and believed in him that he could be a good man. She put her faith in him and he fucked it up. He lost her trust. He lost her faith. He lost her love. And he cost her their daughter.

He was a screw up.

A Lima Loser.

And he probably always would be.

* * *

><p>Days turned into weeks and Quinn still felt hollow, cold. The rest of her friends noticed she was still having a rough time, the façade she had put on before and after break showing signs of cracking as she went through the motions, day in and day out.<p>

They tried to be supportive in their own ways too. Santana offered up a helping of her trademark snark, making comments about the rest of their classmates in an effort to make Quinn smile but only really getting a positive response from her on the rarest of occasions. Britney drew her pictures and Tina and Mercedes offered to have a girl's night to help loosen her up a bit. Even Rachel and Sam had tried to talk to her to see what was really going on under the surface, and while she tried to put on a cheery face and pretend like nothing was wrong, Quinn had been less than convincing to the both of them.

After a few weeks of both Puck and Quinn dragging through the days and going through the motions, it was blatantly obvious to everyone around them that they were both still struggling with what happened between the two of them and what happened with Shelby. They were trying to avoid one another as best as they could and neither one of them seemed to have too much energy to put into rehearsals. While people tried to give them their space to let them work things out on their own, their behavior was still a bit disconcerting.

So much so, in fact, that Mr. Schuester called Rachel and Finn into his office after practice one day to see if they knew what exactly had happened and what was going on between the two of them. The group was starting to worry about the implications of their lackluster performances during rehearsals in preparation for regionals and nationals, but Mr. Schue was really just concerned for both Puck and Quinn's overall well-being. He knew something major had to have happened as the spark that was once inside of both of them seemed to flicker out and it made him sad to see them both look incredibly broken all of the time.

Rachel was concerned about her friends and despite Finn reminding her not to meddle, she knew they were both hurting. She ended up spilling everything to Mr. Schue, telling him all about what had happened between Puck and Shelby (after making him promise he wouldn't say or do anything about it) and filling him in about Quinn and Puck and Quinn's decision regarding Beth.

By the end of the conversation, Mr. Schuester felt his own heart break for his students, realizing that these types of issues would be incredibly difficult to deal with as an adult, let alone an 18 year old, and wasn't quite sure what he could do to help. He knew they each had gone to counseling a bit and that had been somewhat helpful according to Santana and Rachel, but maybe they needed something more.

He mulled it over for a few days with Ms. Pillsbury but was still at a loss as to what they could do to help Puck and Quinn. They could both be incredibly stubborn at times, so it was going to have to be something somewhat drastic but he continued to draw a blank as to how he could help.

That was until Rachel and Sam approached him with an idea that they, and the rest of the club as a whole, thought just might work.

It may be a long shot and it very well may end up blowing up in their faces but at this point, they all decided that they were pretty much willing to try anything to help Puck and Quinn out or at least get a rise out of them enough to help them get to the heart of the problem and work things out.

**x-x-x-x-x-x**

_TBC…Maybe_

_Well? What do you think? Should I keep going or should I have ended it before even posting this chapter? I'm still not sure how this turned out…_


	8. Timing is Everything

_**A/N: **Thanks for all of your kind support and continued reading of my story! The last chapter was so well received so I'm glad that my decision to add on wasn't a complete bust. _

_Thanks again to **Marine04, Pottergirl1, agandglee, MsKylie93, xxBabyT-ranxx, Awesome67, Lindsey, andsoitis2, **and** Cali-447 **for the wonderful reviews!_

_Title Credit: Garrett Hedlund, Country Strong - Timing is Everything_

* * *

><p><strong>Timing is Everything<strong>

_Another day, another barrage of sickeningly cute displays of affection_, Quinn thought as she looked around the choir room.

Santana and Britt were laughing about something, their hands intertwined as they whispered into each other's ears. Sugar was sitting on Artie's lap as he wheeled around the room. Finn and Rachel were making those googly-eyes at each other and she was convinced, through some telepathic connection, that they could communicate without even speaking to one another. Tina and Mike were dancing around the piano, as were Sam and Mercedes, and Blaine, Kurt and Rory were all whispering in hushed tones in the back row, Kurt's head resting gently on his boyfriend's shoulder.

And then there was Puck.

Quinn would be lying if she said she hadn't been sneaking glances at the broody, mohawked boy since he walked into the choir room a few minutes ago. She had seen the way he scanned the room first, taking note of everyone else laughing and having a good time before he finally met Quinn's gaze, his eyes sad and dreary as he tried to give her a soft yet strained smile before taking the seat farthest away from her.

She felt her heart race the moment he looked into her eyes, but it was immediately replaced by a deep, penetrating ache in her chest when she saw all of the hurt behind his eyes, the smile he attempted even more heartbreaking in its apparent hopelessness. She took one last look around the room and tried to smile at a comment Tina made before glancing back at Puck.

She couldn't help it.

He was sitting in the far corner of the risers gently strumming his guitar, his eyes never leaving the strings as he plucked away. She found herself entranced by the deft movements of his fingers along the strings, the light bob of his head in tune with the beat, and the slight pucker of his lips as he concentrated on the chords.

She knew she was staring and should look away but she couldn't. It was like a moth to the flame as she was hit with an all too familiar pang of longing in her heart and felt her own temperature rising as she watched him, yet knew it was a dangerous road to continue traveling down. Been there, done that, and got burned pretty bad in the aftermath. And while she still loved him, she wasn't sure she could set herself up like that again.

She closed her eyes tightly and took a deep breath, hoping the feeling would pass, but no matter what she did, the longing for him remained.

x-x-x-x-x

Puck slowly strummed his guitar, aimlessly playing an invented melody while trying to ignore the undeniable draw to look back at the girl he wanted more than he wanted his next breath. He knew it was a long shot at best, and while he would normally take his chances and go for it, he also knew that their relationship was pretty damaged and he needed to give her the space and time she needed.

And as much as it pained him to admit, he would wait for her forever if that's how long it took for her to come around, even if it was only to forgive him.

But what he would give to have her in his arms again. To call her his girl again. To feel her body melt into his arms again. To taste her sweet lips on his again. To tell her he loved her and that he was sorry again. He never really got to properly tell her he was sorry, he hadn't had the chance since she got back from break, and he knew he owed it to her to explain.

He swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat at the memory, letting his eyes flutter closed as he focused on the feel of the strings underneath his fingertips. To think of anything other than Quinn. And Beth.

He was broken out of his self-loathing trance with the arrival of Mr. Schuester, asking for all of his students to take their seats before they started their new lesson.

_Thank God,_ he though in relief as he set his guitar back in his case and sat back, thankful for the distraction that was sitting less than fifteen feet away from him.

x-x-x-x-x

_Country Music_

Mr. Schuester scrawled on the whiteboard before turning around and waiting for his student's reactions. He didn't have to wait long before an outpouring of comments came flying out of his student's mouths.

"Aww Hell Naw! This girl does not sing country!" Mercedes exclaimed before looking around at the rest of the students.

"I'm right up there with Mercedes on this one. Country is kinda lame, Mr. Schue," Artie concurred from the front row.

"Yeah, that's kinda reaching into the depths of suck, and that's saying a lot coming from your playlist, Schue," Santana replied.

"What's country music?" Rory asked, his eyes growing wide in surprise as everyone in the room turned around to stare at him in shock.

"Hey now, wait a second," Sam replied, everyone's attention turning to him, "First of all, country music is awesome. It's not country music's fault you all have mediocre taste in music and don't like it. And second, we have done songs from all other categories of music except country. We've done pop and classic rock and almost more show tunes than any dude should have to handle in a lifetime, yet we've only done like maybe two country songs total. Come on, guys! It could be fun!"

A few heads snapped around to Rachel, her fellow glee club members awaiting a protest at Sam's comment about Broadway show tunes. But much to all of their surprise, the small brunette simply shrugged and nodded her head.

"As much as I don't care for Sam's characterization of Broadway classics, he does have a point."

"Ok, hold up, did hell just freeze over?" Santana asked, holding her hand up in disbelief, "Cuz that sounded a lot like Berry agreeing to do country over show tunes."

"Yeah, what gives?" Mercedes asked.

"Well, like I said, Sam has a point. Plus every actress must be versatile in their performance abilities and willing to stretch their talent and gift over all genres of music. I say we see what Mr. Schue has planned," Rachel stated, turning her focus back to the front of the room.

"Thank you Rachel," Mr. Schue replied, "Like it says on the board, this week we'll be focusing on country music. Much to all of your disbelief, country music has a rich history of portraying every facet of the human condition from across the emotional spectrum. Some of the greatest musicians either started in country music or dabbled in it from time to time and it is truly one of the unique, American traditions and contributions to the music world. Never underestimate the power of a country song."

"So what's the assignment Mr. Schue?" Mike asked, slinging his arm around Tina.

"Ah, the assignment! I am pleased to announce, that on top of the country music theme, this week's assignment marks the second annual duets competition," Mr. Schue waited to let that sink in a bit before continuing, "However, instead of letting everyone pick their own partners, and remembering how much you all loved the idea of me drawing names out of a hat, I had Ms. Pillsbury pick out who would be singing with whom."

He heard a few groans coming from his students before producing an envelope out of the file he brought to class that day, "Now, much like the awards shows this time of year, I do not know the results inside of this envelope, so it will be a surprise for everyone once I break this seal. Are you all ready?"

"At least it's better than the hat," Britney replied, "Though, I'm still not sure where you put the duck this time."

Santana snorted and a few other students smiled at her outburst before Mr. Schue proceeded in tearing open the envelope and pulling out the list of duet partners.

"Ok, first up we've got Mercedes and Tina, followed by Sam and Artie," he explained, the two sets of partners exchanging high fives in celebration. "Next up is Blaine and Mike, followed by, surprise surprise, Rachel and Finn and then Santana and Brit. Rounding out the competition, we have Puck and Quinn followed by the fearless trio of Kurt, Rory and Sugar."

Most of the group was excited about their partners, eagerly chatting or kissing in Finn and Rachel's case, but Quinn found herself staring off into space, her head spinning at the thought of being partnered with Puck for the duet. Preparing for their assignment would mean spending time alone together and working on their song and while it sounded appealing to be near him again, she wasn't sure if she was ready for that just yet. She wasn't sure if she could face her inner emotions just yet.

Puck felt his world slow as Mr. Schue announced the pairs. He would be singing with Quinn. He would get to be near Quinn again, even if it was for an assignment. He knew he needed to tread lightly despite his excitement, which quickly turned into nervous trepidation the moment Mr. Schue announced that he wanted each of the pairs to sit near one another before he announced the second half of their assignment.

He tenuously picked up his book bag and guitar case and made his way across the room, feeling as though every set of eyes were on him as he made his way toward the captivating blonde in the back row. He looked up at her as he walked up the risers, gently placing his stuff on the floor and murmuring a soft "hi" as he sat down next to her.

Quinn returned the gesture, blushing lightly at the attention before turning back toward Mr. Schue, trying to keep her focus on anything other than the man sitting next to her.

Mr. Schue cleared his throat and proceeded, "Now, there is one other caveat to this assignment," he explained, seeing Britney's hand shoot up into the air, "Yes, Britney."

"Um, since Dr. Carl the dentist came in, none of us have caveats anymore and I've been good about brushing my teeth, so I don't really know what you're talking about right now.," she replied as-a-matter-of-factly.

A few chuckles were heard throughout the room before Mr. Schue piped up, "Um, I think you are thinking of a cavity, Brit. A caveat is another word for part or portion. So, in other words, there is one other portion of this assignment I wanted to keep as a surprise. For this assignment, the songs have already been selected and placed in sealed envelopes as well and will be distributed at random to each of the pairs."

More groans came from the kids before Mr. Schue effectively silenced them, "Hey, like Rachel said, as performers, you all need to be able to handle whatever is thrown at you. Think of this as an exercise in going outside of your comfort zone and performing something that may not be the most optimum song for your range, but you need to do your best and make it work. Plus, all of the songs are fairly recent and modern, so you'll probably know all of the songs or artists in one way or another. It'll be a fun challenge and I know you all are more than capable of performing these songs well."

He took the envelopes and began distributing them to the groups, carefully keeping hold on the bottom envelope containing the song that was specifically suggested (or "fixed", according to Rachel) for Quinn and Puck. He smiled as he passed them all around, knowing that it was a cheap ploy to rig the assignment like this but trying to keep in mind that the whole group wanted to do something to help Puck and Quinn and this is what the group came up with. Besides, it's not like he was rigging the whole assignment. After all, he was allowing the other groups to choose whatever song they wanted…he was just controlling who all was paired together and perhaps what song was suggested (by a Sam and Rachel consensus, in his defense) for Puck and Quinn to perform together.

He knew it was wrong and may blow up in their face, but as he glanced up at the two of them sitting next to each other down the row, trying their best not to look at one another, he knew there was something still there. He saw the way they looked at each other. You'd have to be blind not to see that they still cared for one another and were both still hurting inside, but there was definitely something still there.

The two of them also happened to be two of the most stubborn people he knew and he agreed that they needed to talk it out and flush all of their feelings toward each other and their daughter out into the open so they could begin to heal, but they were both resisting the obvious draw between the two of them and kept on pretending like everything was ok.

He sighed before making his way down the row, handing out instructions for the rest of the group before making his way toward Quinn and Puck.

x-x-x-x-x

Quinn waited with bated breath, nervously awaiting the dreaded envelope in Mr. Schue's hand. She felt her hands tremble and the sinking feeling in her stomach returned as he made his way down the rows distributing the song selections.

She ran her fingers through her hair to try and distract herself, trying to clear her thoughts and calm herself down before Mr. Schue dropped the bomb on them. She felt her skin prickle with tiny gooseflesh as Puck shifted in his seat, the sleeve of his shirt brushing her arm lightly and setting off a chain reaction that felt like electricity running through her body. If this is what happened with a subtle brush of fabric, she wasn't sure what would happen in close quarters while they worked on their assignment.

She felt the tension begin to set in, rubbing her neck to try and loosen some of the knots as she thought over her options. Mr. Schue was getting closer and closer by the second, so she needed to figure out what to do quickly before it was too late.

After a few moments, she decided that the best thing to do would be to rehearse and work on the song separately and hope for the best when the time came to perform, regardless of the song they were assigned. Simply sitting next to him right now was almost too much, and she knew spending more time together could be dangerous, so that seemed to be the best plan as of now.

She wasn't sure how Puck would feel about it but she knew it was probably the best option for her at that point. She prided herself on the walls she built to keep up that façade and to protect her heart, but Puck always had a way of being the wrecking ball to tear it all down, and for that reason alone, she wasn't sure if she was ready for that. She wasn't sure if she would ever be ready to expose herself to him like that again.

To expose her heart again.

To open herself up and make herself vulnerable to him again.

x-x-x-x-x

Puck, on the other hand, was still trying to process the fact that he was paired together with Quinn. He had been trying his best to remain neutral and in control of his emotions as he sat next to her but every fiber of his being was aching to pull her into his arms.

On the other hand, he felt his heart stall for a moment when Mr. Schue handed Quinn the envelope, smiling at the two of them before leaving the groups to discuss their assignment and going back up to the work he left on the piano.

The two of them looked around at the other groups, most of them already having torn their envelopes open and now laughing while discussing their songs. Quinn wondered how they all could seem so excited when the white package in her hand felt more like a ticking time-bomb instead.

Slowly, she slipped her finger under the edge of the sealed flap, tearing open the top before pulling out the folded piece of paper. They weren't sure what to expect or what they would find, but they both had a feeling that this piece of paper held something bigger than a song. It would the first thing to force them together after everything that had happened, so depending on what it was, it was going to be big. Now, whether it would be good or not, well, that was still up in the air.

Quinn gently unfolded the paper and let her eyes drag across the black lettering, reading over the song title and original artist before that sinking feeling returned in the pit of her stomach.

"Oh, you've got to be kidding me," she stated softly, her eyes closing momentarily in disbelief as she refolded the piece of paper.

Puck glanced over at her, waiting for her to let him in on the big secret. He was nervous as to what was on the paper, but he found himself even more nervous at what was behind her reaction in reading off those few lines.

"What is it?" he asked, waiting patiently for her reply, "What's wrong?"

Instead of answering him, she sighed and shook her head, cradling her face in her hands before raising her hand and signaling for Mr. Schuester's attention. He waved her forward and she proceeded to the front of the room to speak with him.

"Mr. Schue, I can't do this," she stated, her eyes refusing to meet his as she spoke, "This is too much."

"Quinn, I'm sorry but the hat, or envelopes rather have spoken. No take-backs or do-overs. This will be a great opportunity to venture slightly outside of your comfort zone and perform something different or something you may not like."

"No, I mean I can't do this song," she replied, lowering her voice into almost a whisper, "with _him._ There's been a lot of stuff going on and I can't do this right now."

"Quinn…" he replied before she interrupted him.

"Please, Mr. Schue, don't make me do this song with him. Please let me change partners or sing something else," she pleaded quietly, her eyes deceiving the inner turmoil and panic that has started setting in.

Puck was confused at the exchange taking place at the front of the room, wondering what she saw on the paper that upset her that much to make her want to see Schue about it. He knew things weren't fantastic between the two of them at the moment, but they had always been able to work around their discomfort or problems in the past, so he was curious as to what would make her react this way.

A few of their other classmates noticed the discussion up front as well and ceased what they were doing, turning their attention to Mr. Schue and Quinn as they not-so-subtly eavesdropped on the conversation. As soon as Puck noticed their pointed gazes, he got up and went to see what the deal was.

"I'm sorry Quinn. The magic envelopes have spoken. The assignment, the pairs and the songs are final. You both are very talented performers, I'm sure you'll find a way to wow us like usual," Mr. Schue smiled at the two of them before turning back to the stack of sheet music on the piano.

Quinn took a deep gulp of air as she felt him standing behind her, his warm breath on her neck sending shivers down her spine and she knew he had heard the last comment Mr. Schue made.

"Apparently you can't get rid of me that easily, Q," he joked lightly, trying to break the tension, "So, what's wrong? What did we get?"

Quinn shook her head and sighed, lowering her eyes to the ground to avoid making eye-contact before handing the piece of paper over to Puck. She bit her lip as he unfolded the paper, turning back to her chair and gathering her belongings before he had a chance to read it.

The rest of the room had gone silent as they watched the interaction with piqued curiosity. Quinn slung her book bag over her shoulder and headed for the door, only looking up once to send Mr. Schue a deflated look before exiting the choir room.

She needed to get out of there as soon as possible, seriously needing air while she tried to digest what just happened and how she was going to get through this. It was one simple glee assignment. It shouldn't be that damn difficult.

But she knew the song and she knew how it made her feel and right now, this assignment felt like it was going to be one of the hardest things she had done since she said goodbye to her daughter.

x-x-x-x-x

Puck stared at her retreating form in confusion not sure whether he should go after her or not, but after he saw her approach Mr. Schue and heard the last little bits of their conversation, he knew she wasn't happy with the song they were given. For whatever reason, he wasn't sure. He watched her gather her things and didn't miss the small looks exchanged between Mr. Schue and Quinn as she walked out of the door, and already felt the cold absence in the room without her.

He found himself rooted to the spot and staring hopelessly out the door Quinn just exited through when Finn cleared his throat awkwardly and Mr. Schue came up to him and patted him on the back, jokingly telling him he could return to his seat if he didn't want to stand there all rehearsal. He gave Mr. Schue a small smile before he remembered he hadn't even looked at what they were supposed to be performing yet.

The song that had set Quinn off moments earlier.

Puck looked down at the paper and finally realized what all the fuss was about, reading and re-reading the artist and song title over and over again as he processed what all it meant in his head. He ran a hand through his Mohawk and let out a heavy breath as he made his way back to his chair, his feet trudging along as he sat back down and stared at the paper again, trying to figure out how they were going to do this.

How they were going to get through this.

Things were about to get interesting, that was for sure.


	9. Somewhere Love Remains

_**A/N:** Thanks again for all of the views/alerts and wonderful reviews. Special shout out goes to **Marine04, ansoitis2, xxBabyT-ranxx, olacindy, ** and **MsKylie93** for reviewing!_

_Also, sorry, if you don't dig country, but the songs were just so fun (and Puck & Quinn's reminded me so much of their whole situation). This chapter is a bit longer than the other ones in this story so I hope you like it._

_xxxxxxxxxxxxx_

**Somewhere Love Remains**

It had been close to a week since they were assigned their songs for their performances by Mr. Schue, and while Quinn had hoped that she would start to get used to the idea of performing again with Puck, she found herself more apprehensive than ever. Puck had tried calling her a few times earlier on, resorting to messaging her when she wouldn't pick up. His texts were innocent enough, trying to keep things light by saying things like "you ran out of there so fast, we forgot to plan when we could get together to work on the assignment," or "I was wondering when would work for you to rehearse" but after avoiding it for the first few days, she figured she owed it to him to message him back.

She replied simply stating that she thought it would be best if they worked on it separately instead of together, saying that she was really busy and she promised to work on her part if Puck worked on his but she thought they would be fine come performance day.

Truth be told, she knew she was being childish by avoiding him and making up lame excuses not to work on the assignment with him. But as much as a large part of her itched to be close to him and spend time with him again, the other part of her didn't trust herself to be near him.

She thought back to the night a few months ago when she invited him over, trying to get him to sleep with her again so they could have another baby. She knew her plan was ridiculous and she was just having a hard time with Beth being back and everything going on, but feeling him there with her again was enough to make her entire mind go blank.

For that short while, she was able to let go of the past and the hurt and the jealousy and anger and simply savored his presence again. His touch sent shivers down her spine and his kisses set her skin ablaze and Quinn simply let herself melt into his embrace once again.

It was true that she had kissed both Finn and Sam before, but neither elicited the same spark, that same electric chemistry she felt every time she was with Puck. She wanted that back. All of the heat, all of the need…and dare she say, all of the love too.

Quinn could try to lie to herself all she wanted and say she could get over it, but she gave that boy her heart the moment she gave him her body. And he had kept it ever since.

She felt a lump rising in her throat at the thought of their first time together and how she had lied and said she was drunk when it happened, hoping to ease some of the guilt she felt once it was over. To try to convince herself what they did was wrong when it had felt so right in so many ways. To try and cover the fact that despite the initial twinge of discomfort, being with him was amazing in so many ways and he made her feel so much, emotionally and physically, in just one night and that she wasn't sure she was worthy of his love.

He was slow and gentle and his kisses set her body on fire and she had never felt so much for another person in her life as much as she did that night…that is, until Beth. Holding her after she was born had Quinn stunned, because in that moment, she never thought it was possible to love someone so much that you just met.

And it broke her heart knowing that it may be the last time she got to see her daughter. That she couldn't keep her.

Sure, neither of them were ready for a baby and at the time she felt like she had lost everything when in reality, looking back now, she truly had everything she could ever want. A boy who loved her, a perfect little girl that was the best of both her parents on the way, and a sizeable amount of people supporting her, people she could honestly say were her true friends instead of the ones who pretended to be nice to her because they were afraid of her.

But neither of them were ready for Beth, and that day in the hospital, she lost two of the things that mattered most to her. She handed her perfect little baby to _that_ woman and she lost Puck in the process too. He was hurt and her shame and guilt over giving their daughter up had created a distance between them that neither of them could overcome and they simply drifted apart.

_Ironic how full-circle life is now that Puck was with Shelby of all people_, Quinn thought as she stared off into space reminiscing, _she has Beth and now she has Puck_. She knew she needed to be ok with everything for her daughter's sake and she truly only wanted Puck to be happy, and as much as she wanted to be happy for him if he was happy with Shelby, she couldn't. And she felt like a terrible person for being so selfish, but it was true.

She didn't think she would ever get over the pain of watching someone you loved love someone else.

She still wanted him, cared about him, respected him, worried about him, trusted him (well, she was still working on that one after he sold her out to Shelby) and loved him with all of her heart, but her head was screaming at her to protect her heart and to remember what it was like hearing him admit he slept with Shelby. To remember what it was like seeing him happily playing with their daughter at Shelby's house the night she went to say her goodbyes. To keep her distance so that she could finally let her mending heart heal from all of the drama and heartbreak of the last few months.

So even though it seemed small and petty not to want to work with him on this assignment, she simply couldn't trust herself when she was around him. She felt a few tears well in her eyes at the tight clench in her chest at the memories, the pain becoming a normal fixture these days and one she hoped would go away soon, but deep down she knew was here to stay.

"Q, you ok?" a soft, familiar voice next to her asked, jolting her out of her daze.

Quinn quickly tried to wipe away the moisture before turning to find Santana staring at her, looking oddly concerned as she took in her old friend.

"Yeah, I'm fine," she quickly countered, trying to steady her voice before joking, "Damn allergies are starting to get to me early this year."

Quinn hoped her excuse would work but knew that it probably wouldn't with the human-lie-detector that was Santana Lopez. She saw the familiar disbelieving arch of the Latina's eyebrow and knew she didn't buy a word Quinn was saying, but she hoped that Santana would just drop it anyway.

Instead of making one of her usual snarky remarks or mean jabs, Santana's face softened again before she leaned in toward Quinn, speaking quietly, "Quinn, I've known you for a long time and I know you're hurting. You always try to put on a brave face and pretend like nothing is wrong, and don't take this the wrong way, but the cracks are starting to show in the wall you've built yourself."

Quinn's face hardened as she absorbed what Santana just said, snapping back, "What the hell would you know about it? And frankly, I don't know what you're referring to. I'm fine Santana. Just let it go."

Santana's face never faltered once, the Latina giving her a small yet genuine smile before sighing lightly, "I know all about it, champ. I've been pretending I was someone I wasn't for years. Keeping shit in like that and letting it fester really starts to get to you, believe me, I've been there. Now, I don't personally know what you're going through, as I've never had a child and have never had to go through everything you did, but I do know that you're still hurting. In fact, I would probably say there was something wrong with you if you weren't. That's a lot to deal with Quinn. Nobody else here can even begin to fathom what that's like, so we all pretty much did what we thought you would want us to and gave you space."

"You're right," Quinn interrupted, "you have no idea what I've been through and frankly, you've been doing a good job staying out of my business, so thank you so much for butting back in and dredging up the past I've worked so hard to forget."

"But you can't forget, can you?" Santana asked, her voice still rather calm and Quinn was wondering if the feisty Latina was feeling ok because this was definitely out of character for her, "You've tried everything in your power to forget or to not focus on it, and it's haunting you now. I can see it in your eyes." She paused and watched as Quinn's hard exterior faltered and her eyes softened as she tried to look anywhere but at the girl speaking to her, "Just like I can see the way you look at Puck. You still love him don't you?"

Quinn looked down at the floor before gently nodding her head in agreement, relenting to Santana's line of questioning.

Santana chuckled lightly before continuing, "Well, lucky for you, while you're busy trying to avoid that boy, he's busy staring at you with the same amount of longing in his eyes too. Now, I'm no psychic, but it's obvious the boy still loves you. I know Puck, and despite our past indiscretions, I can still read him like a book. He loves you but for some reason, every time he looks at you, he looks sad. Guilty almost. It's none of my business and I'm done after this, I promise, but I know that you'll be able to work around whatever shit you're both dealing with right now."

"You can't know that!" Quinn exclaimed in a hushed whisper before her head drooped low again, "And besides, I may love him but I assure you he's over me. He said so himself. So there's nothing I can do about it now."

"See, that's where you're wrong. With the way you both look at one another, you would have to be blind to miss the connection between you two. I don't know the specifics of what's going on and I know you're both stubborn, but I don't think you should give up on this just yet. You never know, he could surprise you."

Quinn laughed humorlessly, thinking back on the night he told her about him and Shelby and the night she saw him at her apartment, "Believe me, he's already surprised me enough for one lifetime. I think I should just cut my losses at this point."

Santana nodded her head but didn't press the issue any further, "Q, I love you like a sister. Despite the whole frenemies thing and the constant need to be better than one another, we are still friends and Brit and I hate seeing you like this. So if you need someone to talk to, just know we're here."

Quinn glanced up to see the sincerity in Santana's expression, deciding against a sarcastic barb before settling on something equally as sincere, "Thanks, I appreciate it."

Santana's face quirked into her familiar smirk, "No problem. Now, in other news, just wait for how kickass Brit's and my performance will be. We're totally going to dominate!"

Quinn shook her head and opened her mouth to retort, but before she could say anything else, Mr. Schue strutted into the room to begin the lesson.

She held her breath and waited as he announced which pairs would be going when and found herself slightly relieved yet perturbed that she and Puck were slated to perform last. At least it would give her a little time to decompress and prepare herself for what was to come before they actually had to go, but she wasn't sure if she would rather have just gone first to get things over with.

Either way, she knew she was screwed.

x-x-x-x-x

After sitting through a few very entertaining performances, Quinn was left scratching her head and wondering how she and Puck managed to pull the song that they did.

Don't get her wrong, they were very well done and it was quite fun to watch some of the other groups perform, but she was wondering how all of theirs were up-beat and peppy while hers and Puck's was a bit more serious.

Rachel and Finn kicked off the competition with a slightly nauseating and sickeningly cute rendition of Keith Urban's "You're My Better Half." The pair always did well and sounded really good together, but by the end of the song, everyone in the room (including Mr. Schue) was almost gagging on all of the mushy looks they were giving one another throughout the performance.

They quickly moved on to Blaine and Mike's hilarious take on Brad Paisley's "Cooler Online," the whole class laughing at their costumes and choreography. That was followed shortly by a rocking version of Gretchen Wilson's "Work Hard, Play Harder" by Tina and Mercedes.

Quinn couldn't believe how into the performances all of her classmates were getting. Personally, she was shocked as hell watching Mercedes and Tina jam out to the country beats as they sang..

The fun continued on with an awesome sing-along session with Sugar, Rory and Kurt's version of Garth Brook's "Friends in Low Places," the song causing everyone to get up and clap along while they sang and laughed with their own group of "friends in low places." It was also perfect for Sugar, seeing as how that girl was tone-deaf and nobody had to be a particularly fantastic singer to perform that song, but with the three of them (accompanied by the rest of the class), it actually sounded pretty damn good.

Next up was Sam and Artie's country-rock version of Dierks Bentley's "Sideways," Sam wailing on his guitar as he and Artie spun around the room singing. They apologized to Mr. Schue before the performance and promised they weren't singing it to take everyone back to their "Blame it on the Alcohol" days, but insisted that it was a fun song, and they were right. Everyone was tapping their feet and bobbing their heads to the twang of the guitar as they played.

But something about the apology before the song struck Quinn as odd. They were all assigned songs, so why did they need to apologize if Mr. Schue was the one who picked them out in the first place? Additionally, Mr. Schue commented that he hoped it was appropriate before they started, making Quinn wonder if these songs were truly assigned or if someone was playing her.

As soon as Brit and Santana began their song, she knew something was going on. The two girls gave a rousing rendition of Carrie Underwood's "The More Boys I Meet," and while Quinn had to laugh at how fitting it was to hear the girls sing the line "the more boys I meet, the more I love my dog," the song selections were too perfect for them to have been handed out randomly.

Mr. Schue had made a point of telling her she couldn't trade songs or sing something else because people needed to be able to sing outside of their comfort zone, but every song that had been performed during the competition had been seemingly handpicked by the duet partners themselves for this assignment.

She shot a glance at Mr. Schue, who carefully avoided her gaze as he sat on a far chair and clapped along with the group performing. She then turned her gaze toward the one person who she had been trying to avoid for the past four days, noticing that Puck had an equally confused look on his face as it seemed like he was processing the same thing. She wanted to protest and call bullshit on this whole scam Mr. Schue had going on, figuring out that he had probably rigged the whole damn thing from the start since there was no way all of those songs would have been given to those particular performers out of sheer coincidence.

But before she could do or say anything, Mr. Schue had called her and Puck's name and she found herself frozen in her spot. Santana nudged her and she made her way forward, glancing at Mr. Schue, who still avoided her gaze, and whispering that this whole competition was a crap-shoot. She watched as Puck made his way forward and grabbed two stools, placing them next to one another up front before taking the seat on the right.

Their entire class had gone silent and was now watching them intently, Puck looking just as nervous as she felt while keeping his gaze trained at the floor. He was still willing to go through with this despite how rigged this whole thing was or how uncomfortable it would be, so she needed to buck up and get it over with too.

She slowly made her way over to the other stool and took a seat, glancing out at the rest of their classmates as they patiently awaited the final duet of the day. If she wasn't mistaken, it looked like a lot of them had been anticipating this moment, expectantly almost.

She saw Puck nod to Brad the Piano Guy out of the corner of her eye and the first few notes from the now familiar Lady Antebellum song "Somewhere Love Remains" drifted into the air. She clasped her trembling hands as she looked down at the floor, waiting for Puck to open up the song. She heard him take a deep breath before he softly sang out.

_Here we go again, sitting on the edge of leaving  
><em>_You don't have to speak,  
>I can see it in your eyes.<br>__I know you too well  
><em>_You know I can tell you're hiding  
><em>_Something inside_

Quinn clenched her hands and inhaled a deep breath before joining him on the chorus.

_Baby just breathe in, breathe out  
><em>_Before you turn around just slow down  
><em>_Think of all the love we've made  
><em>_If we give it just one more try,  
><em>_Maybe we could stop this goodbye  
><em>_I know through all this pain,  
><em>_Somehow, somewhere love remains._

The piano and guitar gave her a few notes to get her nerves together before she was up for her portion of the song, swallowing the lump in her throat before timidly singing the next few lines.

_You say don't walk away but baby give me one good reason,  
><em>_More than just a line, you better make it count this time.  
><em>_You told me but you never really showed me  
><em>_That I'm worth the fight,  
><em>_Oh, I'm worth the fight ._

She peripherally saw Puck look over at her as her voice trembled on the last few notes, Quinn's eyes never leaving the floor as she tried to fight the misting in her eyes as they launched into the next chorus together.

_Baby just breathe in, breathe out  
><em>_Before you turn around just slow down  
><em>_Think of all the love we've made  
><em>_If we give it just one more try  
><em>_Maybe we could stop this goodbye  
><em>_I know through all this pain,  
><em>_Somehow, somewhere love remains._

The piano and guitar give the duo a bit of a break as they begin a small instrumental solo, but instead of feeling relieved at the brief respite, Quinn felt like she couldn't breathe. She could feel every set of eyes in the room on her and she felt like she was practically choking on the lump of emotion lodged in her throat, but she kept telling herself to breathe through it and not let people see her completely crack. Puck had already watched her make a fool out of herself at Shelby's house, and she refused to let everyone else see just how hurt and weak she truly was. She noticed Puck's hands trembling next to her and knew he was up next again before their final chorus together. But she also felt his gaze still boring into her, never wavering through the last several stanzas and more than ever, she's terrified to look up and see what's hiding behind his eyes.

He inhaled a sharp intake of breath, startling Quinn by reaching over and taking her hand in his before starting back up again.

_Love takes time to build it's defenses  
><em>_And trust takes time to tear down those fences  
><em>_And love remains that's stronger than ever before_

And Quinn could no longer resist the pull, glancing up and catching his eye and noting the swirling emotions pooling in those chocolate brown orbs. He laced his fingers through hers and Quinn lost the fight against her emotions as tears began to slip down her cheeks. He squeezed her hand reassuringly before the two of them continued to sing the rest of the song together.

_So don't walk out that door,  
><em>_I don't wanna hurt anymore_

_Baby just breathe in, breathe out  
><em>_Before you turn around just slow down  
><em>_Think of all the love we've made  
><em>_If we give it just one more try  
><em>_Maybe we could stop this goodbye  
><em>_Through the fire and rain  
><em>_Somehow, somewhere  
><em>_I know through all this pain,  
><em>_Somehow, somewhere love remains_

_So baby just breathe in,  
><em>_Breathe out._

Tears continued to fall freely down Quinn's face as she looked into Puck's eyes as they sang, his own looking like they were on the verge of misting up as well as he turned to fully face her, grabbing her other hand in his free one. She closed her eyes at the gesture, trying to keep from sobbing at every feeling and emotion the song was bringing up to the surface and trying to save even a little face in front of the rest of the people watching. But it was no use. They were all watching her fall apart again. She felt her chest heave and her throat constrict before a warm, soothing hand caressed her cheek, prompting her open her eyes up to meet Puck's again. She took a deep breath and relented, leaning into his comforting palm before they finished the final stanza together.

_I never wanted to give up this fight  
><em>_What if we give it, baby, one more try?_

_Let's try  
><em>_This time._

_Baby, this time  
><em>_Baby, this time  
><em>_Baby, this time_

They both end the last note, their voices trembling as they continue to stare into each other's eyes, neither wanting to look away and break the spell they've created over this moment. Neither wanting to speak, mutually afraid of the other admitting that the song they just sang was only that. A song. Not an outpouring of one's own feelings, not an invitation to stay in the other's life, not even a possibility at a future together (they're both too hopeful yet cynical to even think about that). Just a song.

Or was it?

The rest of the room remained dead silent. Everyone was frozen in their seats as they took in the quiet scene in front of them, watching as the tears continued to stream down Quinn's face as one of Puck's hands continued to hold her cheek while their other hands remained firmly interlocked. Nobody even dared to look around the room at one another, afraid if they looked away they would miss something big.

Hell, they already witnessed something big. There was definitely something still there, and while this reaction could either be a good thing or could blow up in their faces at any second, at least neither Puck nor Quinn were ignoring each other or their feelings anymore. They couldn't ignore this anymore, could they?

Quinn held Puck's gaze as he gently caressed her cheek with his thumb, the pattern familiarly soothing as she remembered it being something he used to do when she had a rough day back when she was pregnant with Beth. There were a lot of gentle, comforting things he did for her when she was pregnant with Beth, and she finally realized how much she missed those little things. How she took them for granted. How she didn't deserve them anymore, if she even deserved them at all in the first place.

He leaned down and rested his forehead against hers and she allowed her eyes to flutter closed, savoring his closeness and his scent. Her lips trembled as the tears continued to fall, the heat from his body a welcome reprieve from the harsh cold and emptiness that had overtaken her own body these past few months.

She heard him suck in a quick breath before a loud hiccup from the other side of the room broke them out of their reverie, Quinn pulling away from Puck and looked over at the rest of her classmates as a bleary-eyed Rachel quickly clasped her hand over her mouth.

Quinn took a longer glance around room. Rachel, Kurt, Mercedes and Tina all had tears welling up in their eyes, Santana had her lower lip in between her teeth as she stared intently at the duo, Brit's chin began to tremble, and the rest of the boys sat ridged in their seats, almost afraid to move. Even Brad and the rest of the band remained frozen; their gazes glued on the couple perched on the black stools. Then Quinn glanced over at Mr. Schue, noting the hints of guilt etched on his face as he took in the sight in front of him as well.

She looked back up at Puck, feeling her whole body begin to tremble as she sat there and let the moment sink in. Mr. Schue made a move to stand up to approach them and that was about all she could take.

She shook her head slowly as she stared up into Puck's eyes, a fresh set of tears on the verge of breaking loose. Her free hand found its way up to cover her mouth briefly before she took one last glance out at the rest of her classmates, her head spinning with the reality of the situation.

"I can't," she began, her voice shaking as she looked back up at Puck, letting go of his hand in the process, "I can't do this."

Tears flooded her vision as the first sob left her body, Quinn quickly sliding off of the stool as she ran toward the door and out into the hallway.

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><p><em>TBC…<em>

__That was my first-stab at a quasi-songfic, so I hope it didn't suck too bad…please be gentle…or don't. I like hearing what people think. Good or bad.__

_Song c__redits borrowed from Keith Urban, Brad Paisley, Gretchen Wilson, Carrie Underwood, Garth Brooks and Lady Antebellum (whose latest album is amazing, just FYI). All of these artists' music is good. You should download them off of iTunes. Trust me. You won't regret it, even if country isn't your thing._


	10. Learning To Fly

_**A/N:** Sorry it's taken forever to update. I never knew how complicated it could get for a 5 yr. old boy to pick out the perfect super hero Valentine's Day cards for all of his classmates (and especially a particular girl, which I'm not crazy about given the fact that my 5 yr. old son is apparently into girls already) and with 2 kids on a massive sugar high for the last few days, it's been stressful. So, thanks for your patience and here's a little belated V-Day chapter… warning, quasi-long paragraphs ahead… oh, and the title belongs to the iconic Tom Petty._

_Also, thanks so much to **andsoitis2, RandomIsMe, Lovetheday, I'm a gleek1994, MsKylie93, olacindy, and marine04** for your lovely reviews!_

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><p><strong>Learning To Fly<strong>

Puck felt as though he couldn't move, still staring off into the empty space Quinn once occupied in front of him, his hand still raised to where it had previously been nestled against her cheek. His heart was beating fast and he felt the anger well inside of him, feeling as though he was robbed yet again of another moment with Quinn.

Robbed of another moment to win her back.

He swung his head around and looked at the rest of his classmates, all of whom were staring at him intently, waiting with bated breath to see what he would do. Finally, Santana broke the silence.

"Um, I'll go check on Q. See what's up."

Before she could even make it two steps, Puck stopped her, his voice strong in its conviction, "No. This is between me and Quinn."

He gave Mr. Schue a half smile, his teacher and mentor patting him on the back in support before he left the room.

He wasn't stupid. He knew the rest of the class had to be abuzz with gossip by now, trying to figure out what exactly was going on. But he didn't care what anyone else thought. All he cared about now was finding the pretty blonde who booked it out of the choir room just moments before.

Quinn was a creature of habit and while it was completely possible that she could have wanted to go straight home, he knew she couldn't. She left her keys and her backpack in the choir room. He also knew she wouldn't go somewhere obvious like the girl's bathroom or the Cheerios locker room.

No, if she were still here, he knew exactly where she would be.

He quickly made his way to the auditorium, climbing the back steps up to the side balcony where she and the rest of the Cheerios had spied on Finn and the glee club when they started up a few years ago and where she had confessed she spied on them again the first day back their senior year. It was quiet and solitary and she probably thought that was the best place to go if she was looking to hide.

And his guess was correct, judging from the soft sobs coming from around the corner.

He tried to be quiet, not wanting to startle her just yet but still wanting to catch her before she made up some excuse to run off again. But the floor creaked under his foot and he knew he was busted. A flash of blonde hair whipped around to see who was behind her, Quinn quickly turning her head again and furiously trying to wipe away the tears streaming down her face.

"Hey," he said softly.

"You found me," she replied, her eyes focused on the stage in front of her.

"Yeah, you told me once that you came up here to think at the beginning of this year, so I figured you may be here."

"Wow, good memory."

"I never forget things about you."

She let out a humorless chuckle, "I highly doubt that."

"What? What makes you say that?" he asked defensively, "Of course I remember things about you. You tend to remember things about the people you care about, ya know?"

"Oh really?" she asked, her eyes going wider as she shook her head, "You all of a sudden care about me again? That's rich."

"Where the hell is this all coming from, Q? I thought we had a moment there in the choir room," he replied sternly, "In fact, I know we did and I know you felt it too. Why are you fighting me like this?"

"It might have something to do with the fact that you have flat out told me you didn't care about me anymore," she replied, her eyes furious as she finally caught his gaze, "Or wait, maybe it's because I am the most selfish person in the world. Or perhaps it's because you would rather, oh how did you say it… 'raw-dog a beehive' than be with me again. So, no Puck, I don't know where the hell that came from."

Puck swallowed hard as he remembered those very words coming out of his own mouth earlier that year. "You know I didn't mean any of that, Quinn. I was caught up in the moment and it slipped out," he said, his voice quiet.

"As I remember, there was no moment to be caught up in at that point. I approached you at your locker and threw myself at you and you shot me down. Pretty harshly as I remember," she murmured, her eyes tearing up again as she looked away, "And then you came over that weekend and I thought we would be fine, then the Shelby thing…" her voice growing quiet as her words dropped off.

"Quinn, I don't – I didn't –"

"No, it's ok," she interrupted, not really wanting to hear how Shelby was different than the other girls he had been with and how much better she was than Quinn, "I get it. I do. And you were right, I know I was selfish. I pulled some stupid stunts. As a result, I'll probably never see my daughter again and that thought alone terrifies me. But what absolutely kills me is the fact that I lost you too. And that's why I hate that fucking song."

"Q," he started before scrunching his face in confusion at her quick change of subject, "Wait, what song?"

"The song Schue made us sing just now."

"Oh," he sighed before deciding on pushing his luck just that much more, "Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why do you hate it so much? It's a good song."

Quinn took a deep breath before exhaling slowly, her eyes glistening as she glanced over at him, "Because it talks about two people trying to convince each other to give it one more chance and salvage the love they both know still exists. That still remains in their hearts. It's just – It's too –"

"It's too what?" Puck asked after she trailed off.

"It hits too close to home for me, ok?" she spat out, tears rolling down her cheeks, "It's all about forgiving the mistakes made and getting past the hurt and pain to try and finding that love again, and to be honest, it's just hard to sing those lyrics with you."

"Why? The lyrics are what made it easy to sing with one another. I mean, we've been there, done that."

She closed her eyes briefly before swallowing hard, her voice barely above a whisper, "Past tense. We've been there…past tense."

Puck continued to stare at her, wondering if this was her way of blowing him off already. He hadn't even had a chance to try and fight back, to fight for her again. To apologize. To tell her how he felt.

"You know, the single most defining moment of my life was giving birth to Beth. Holding our perfect little girl in my arms for the first time. Finally meeting the little life that kept me up countless nights with her kicking, but knowing full well it was all worth it when she was placed into my arms and looked up into my eyes. In that moment, I truly felt like a mom, like my life did have a purpose outside of cheerleading and high school popularity."

She sniffed and wiped away more tears, Puck sitting rapt with attention as she continued, "And seeing you watch over the two of us protectively, the look of sheer awe and joy on your face as you watched your daughter respond to your fingers on her back was incredible. Simply priceless. But standing there with you afterwards as we watched her sleep in the nursery and you told me you loved me for the first time, I finally felt whole for the first time in my life. I felt at peace with everything knowing Beth was healthy and safe and you and I had one another to lean on after she went to a family that could provide for her better than we would have been able to."

"Quinn, you know we could have been there for one another –"

"Wait," she held up a finger, "Just let me get this all out before I lose my nerve."

He closed his mouth and nodded his head, letting her continue.

"But after she was gone, the hole in my heart still existed. It grew bigger and bigger with every day she was out there in the world without me. Every day I wondered who she was or where she was, praying that she was safe and happy and loved, but being without her was slowly driving me crazy. Everything in my life seemed colorless after that, my existence was merely black and white and shades of gray. And then there was you. And you were so amazing and so understanding even though I knew you didn't want to give her up, but you were still supportive and kind and I know now that I didn't deserve your kindness at the time."

"You just reminded me so damn much of her and I couldn't see you without missing her, and I am so sorry. I am so sorry I took her away from you. I am so sorry that I hurt you and was horrible to you afterwards. And I'm so sorry that my stupidity earlier this year caused her to be taken away again. Puck, I am so sorry," she sobbed heavily, her breathing labored as her chest and throat constricted with emotion.

Puck glanced away for a moment, swallowing the lump that had formed in his throat and blinking away the light sheen of moisture that seemed to have formed over his eyes. Damn allergies…

"Quinn, it's not your fault. You don't need to blame yourself for any of that."

"Yes, I do. It is my fault. I made the decision to give her up without you. You wanted to keep her and I gave her away without really considering how we both would feel afterwards. Honestly, I thought it would be for the best, but if I knew then what I know now, I don't think we could have given her up. Seeing her now, happy with _her_," she said, refusing to say Shelby's name, "I couldn't do it over again and not be a part of her life."

"What's worse was when she came back and I roped you into being a part of the plan to get her back. I know it was immature and stupid, but I thought maybe, just maybe, we could get her back and we could be that family again. I started feeling like that hole in my chest was finally healing, that you being there with me and the two of us reconnecting with Beth would help me feel whole again. But when I found out that you told Shelby and you had hooked up with her, I felt nothing but betrayal and anger toward you which was completely unwarranted. It was a dumb ploy, and I know that now," she explained, taking a deep breath in between sobs, "But it just hurt, you know, watching you fall for her. I'll admit, I melted a little when I thought you were singing "The Only One" to me. You sang to Rachel, Mercedes and Lauren and for once, I thought you were singing to me. And it was amazing. And then I saw you looking at Shelby and that jealousy came raging back. It just broke my heart again, and I wished, for once, that you would look at me like that again. I miss that look."

Puck watched her sob for a few moments, his heart breaking with every tear drop.

"Quinn, I'm sorry. I didn't know – I didn't mean – I don't know what to say," he replied, biting his thumbnail, not sure where to go from here. He needed to diffuse this quickly and let her know how he felt before her words and his inaction sealed their fate. "That was a stupid idea on my part and I just – I'm the one who's sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I never meant to hurt you. I didn't know you were hurting that bad until you came that night to say goodbye, and I shouldn't have even been there in the first place, but even then I had no idea you felt that way until you were there in person saying those words. I thought it just didn't matter to you anymore with the way you've been ignoring me the last year, but I knew from the moment you walked in that night that I was wrong."

Quinn sighed and wiped under her eyes, trying her best to stifle another sob, "Look Puck, you don't – you don't have to explain anything. I know I've done a lot of dumb things in the past and held onto a lot of hurt and resent over the years but after losing Beth again and visiting schools this winter, I feel like I was able to gain a little more perspective on things in my life and what I want for my future. And starting right now, I don't want to live with any more guilt or hurt or resent. So, I'm going to be honest with you."

She took another deep breath before continuing, "I love you, Puck. I've been in love with you for a while but I was always too foolish or in denial to do anything about it, let alone say it back when you told me you loved me at the hospital. But instead of pushing too hard and going about things in a manipulative way like I used to in the past, I'm going to try something new," she choked out, not even bothering wiping away the tears that flooded her vision, "After seeing our little girl again and putting everyone through hell as part of a silly plan to try and get her back, I've come to realize that when you truly love someone and want what's best for them, sometimes you have to set them free if it means that they'll be happy."

"I love you and I truly want you to be happy, even if it's not with me. I don't want my drama and personal hang-ups to keep you away from Beth and Shelby, and as much as it kills me to say this, if you're happy with Shelby and you can be a major part of Beth's life, I'll be happy for you. It may take me a while to get used to, but then again, this isn't about me. I know that now. It's about what's best for Beth, and honestly, coming from experience, every girl needs their daddy to hold them and tell them everything is going to be alright. You're Beth's father and after what I've put you through, you deserve to be happy with them."

She hiccupped, trying to breathe through the ache radiating throughout her entire body, "And that's why I hate that damn song. A song about two lovers on the outs of a relationship agreeing to move past the pain and hurt and give it one more shot. It hits too close to home and seems like too much of a pipe dream to come true, and that's why I didn't want to sing it. I wanted you to be happy and be able to move on without dredging up old feelings and trying to guilt-trip you or manipulate you into giving me one more shot when I know you deserve better than sitting here listening to your head-case of an ex pouring her heart out over missed chances and past regrets. I want you to do what's best for you, what's best for Beth and what will make you happy."

Puck was slightly taken-aback by the bare honesty coming out of Quinn's mouth. He wasn't sure if she had ever opened up like that…ever. A small part of him wondered if this declaration was ruse designed to make him feel even guiltier than he already did for messing around with Shelby. Another part of him wondered if she was simply trying to save face by falling on her sword and apologizing while trying to make excuses for her behavior. Not that he could say his was any better; that much was for sure.

But as soon as she looked back up into his gaze, all of the vulnerability and sincerity swirling around in her eyes made it very apparent that her words were genuine and sincere. She had seemed so lost after giving Beth up for adoption and she was even more desperate and confused once Beth came back into the picture. But after seeing her at Shelby's house that night and watching her agony first hand, he knew how much she hurt and he instantly felt like he would do anything and everything he could to make her happy again. Here she was trying to take the blame for everything when he knew he caused at least half of that pain and that simply wasn't right. Not when he had been so wrong before.

"Quinn, please stop apologizing. You were going through a rough time and I didn't make it any better with how shitty I reacted to everything. I should be saying sorry for hurting you too. I never intended to hurt you and I wasn't thinking when I told Shelby everything and things got out of hand between the two of us and that is all on me. Not you. I think we both made a lot of mistakes and I think Shelby made mistakes, and really, the only innocent person in this whole shit-show drama is Beth. So stop blaming yourself for mistakes all of us made," he replied, his voice soft as he tried to reason with her.

"And honestly Q, I like Shelby, don't get me wrong. She's hot and all, but the only reason I like her is because she has Beth," he replied in response to Quinn's final statement about being with Shelby.

Immediately, he knew he messed up once again as he watched Quinn's face crumple even further, tears streaming down her face at the insinuation as she looked away quickly. "Fuck, ok, that came out completely wrong. What I mean is, I like her and she is a good mom to Beth, but I'm pretty sure I really only thought I _liked her_, liked her because she had Beth. Please don't take this the wrong way, but as soon as I saw Beth again, I knew I wanted to be a part of her life and I would do anything to see her again. I guess I was a little overwhelmed by the whole thing and I was getting all these weird feelings seeing her again, that I thought – I don't know…"

He cleared his throat before continuing, feeling as though it would just be better to get this all out now in case he never got another chance to make amends and tell her how he felt, "I fucked up too. I saw Beth again and she was finally back in my life, and you and I were not really talking at all and for some stupid reason, because we had broken up and never talked about her after she was adopted, I don't know, I thought you maybe didn't care about her any more. I know now that's not the case, but I was confused and hurt and wasn't sure what to think. But then she was back and I wanted to see our little girl, and one thing led to another rather quickly with Shelby… and afterwards, it felt like nothing. I thought it should feel like something, but it didn't. Once again, I let my little head do the thinking instead of my big head, and once again that got me in trouble. After all was said and done though, I knew it wasn't real. It felt pretty wrong actually."

"I was so blinded by Beth and having her around that I never stopped to think about the consequences of telling Shelby about everything, but I honestly didn't think she would just cut you out of Beth's life. I never would have said anything if I knew that's what she would have done," he explained, his eyes seeking hers as she continued to look away, "But I knew I fucked up big time when I watched you say goodbye to Beth that night. Seeing you like that, knowing how hurt you were and how I had contributed to your pain by being a douchebag about everything, I knew you still cared and I knew I fucked up. You just hid everything you were feeling, but as soon as your walls started to crack and I saw how different you were at the beginning of this year and how much you changed over such a short period of time, I knew it was all a façade. And I didn't do anything to help you out, and for that I am truly sorry."

Quinn's body continued to tremble as she sat there crying silently, still refusing to look Puck in the eye. Puck leaned closer to her and ran his fingers through her hair, slowly trailing it down her arm until his hand met hers. He took her hand and laced his fingers with hers, kissing the back before holding her hand in his lap.

"Q, please look at me," he asked, before a set of watery hazel eyes met his, "You were honest with me, so I'll try something new and be completely honest with you. There is nothing between me and Shelby. What we had was brief and stupid and shouldn't have happened, but there are no feelings there at all. And if I'm being really honest, I love you Quinn. I have since sophomore year, even before I admitted it to you at the hospital."

Puck felt a huge weight lift off of his shoulders at the admission. He had waited so long to tell her that, but he kept letting his foolish pride and stupid sex-shark mentality (or delusion) guide his decisions and he was miserable as a result.

Quinn, on the other hand, felt like she'd been hit by a freight train at the admission. She had been fully prepared for him to accept her apology (hopefully) and maybe even admit he did care for Shelby and he appreciated her support…well, maybe she wasn't quite ready to hear that just yet, but she would have pretended it wasn't as devastating as it would have been…

But hearing that he loved her was a definite shock. One she wasn't quite expecting.

Puck smiled softly at her startled expression, taking advantage of the moment and caressing her cheek, wiping away a few stray tears.

"I know you said you didn't like the song we were assigned because you said it sounded too much like a dream to be believable. But I think you're wrong," he replied, pausing to shift closer to her, "I like the song because, to me, it's all about second chances. It's about hope and finding a way around the rough patches and surviving the pain. It's about forgiveness and love finding a way despite the hardships and mistakes."

She sighed and relaxed slightly, her head nuzzling further into his hand as he continued to speak, "I mean look at us, Q. Look at our lives. How different do you think our lives would have been if it hadn't been for our mistakes, and no, I am not calling Beth a mistake. She was not a mistake. Maybe not planned or expected, but not a mistake. But everything else that happened as a result of the drama and our other mistakes? We wouldn't be here today without enduring all of that. If you think about it, our situation brought people together. If it weren't for our mistakes, like lying to Finn about him being the father or even getting pregnant and your dad being a dick as a result and kicking you out, do you think you would have gotten to be as close with Mercedes and Tina as you are now? Do you think that our two friends Finn and Rachel, who are very happy with one another, would be together now if it weren't for the lies, deceit and betrayal we both committed that year? I don't think so," he smiled, resting his forehead against hers again.

"And you wouldn't have given birth to the most amazing and beautiful baby girl either of us has ever seen if it weren't for our past decisions. She wouldn't be a part of this world had it not been for us being dumb and making a mistake of doing the dirty without protection. And I think that, despite the hurt and pain of the past, we can both agree that she's probably one of the best things that has ever happened in our lives. Without her, our whole world would be totally different, but I wouldn't change anything for the world. We are who we are today because of everything that's happened," he leaned in closer, his lips ghosting over hers as his voice lowered to almost a whisper, "We've been through a lot, but we could give it one more try and fight for what we both know is still between us. I feel it every time I'm near you and I know you had to have felt it in the choir room too. So, what do you say? Give it another try?"

She closed her eyes and slowly shook her head against his forehead, not sure if she was ready to jump back into the deep end with him again. She knew in her heart that she loved him and he was being earnest about giving them another shot, but she's not sure she can take the heartbreak again if it goes south.

Quinn felt his hand against her cheek again, his thumb tracing a soft line down her jaw and she couldn't help but look back up into those warm chocolate eyes, so kind and loving as they gazed back at her.

"I don't know, Puck," she murmured as she worried her bottom lip in between her teeth, "I'm scared. What if we don't work out again? I don't know if I could take that again?"

"Q, I'm scared too, you know, in like a manly way," he replied, smiling when he saw her lips turn up into a half-smile, "But if we think it won't work, it won't. It just feels right between you and me and I refuse to give up without a fight this time. We just let us fall apart last time, but this time, things will be different. I just know they'll be different. Come on, Quinn."

She hesitated a moment but Puck was hell-bent on proving to her that there was definitely something still there. Something worth fighting for.

Slowly, he closed the gap between them, cradling her jaw in his hand as he gently pressed his lips to hers, sealing his promise with a kiss.

Quinn felt her head start spinning at the contact, her chest warming at the easy, familiar slide of his lips against hers. She melted into his embrace, his warmth and support a much lacking feature from her life these past few years.

Puck smiled as he felt her lean in closer to him, his heart beating rapidly in his chest. Kissing Quinn was like coming home in a sense, it made him feel like he was safe and finally at peace for the first time in a long time.

Despite all of their drama and problems of the past, there was something comfortable about being with each other. They understood one another, respected one another, and deep down, they would always love one another.

Quinn pulled back slightly and ran her fingertips down the back of Puck's mohawk.

"I missed you."

Puck leaned back in and smiled against her lips.

"I missed you too."

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><p><em>TBC…<em>

_One chapter left…wonder how this little foray ends?_

_Also, I want to dedicate this chapter to my little Valentines: Ella-bear, Jameson, and my little smiley Riley :) Love you all._


	11. Love Without End, Amen

_Thank you all for continuing to follow this and read my story! I so appreciate the wonderful feedback you have given me, and it's really quite a trip seeing 600+ people (or hits) on this story when I updated it last! You all are amazing._

_Also, big thanks to** andsoitis, Lovetheday, MsKylie93, olacindy, and Eliza Jane Kelley** for taking the time to review. Thank you!_

_So without further ado, I give you the final chapter of The Five Stages of Quinn Fabray! The title credits go out to a Mr. George Strait. I hope you all like it, and seeing as how this is the first story of mine that I have completed, I hope it has lived up to all of your expectations! Thanks!_

_XXXXXXXXXXX_

**A Love Without End, Amen.**

Before anyone really realized it, a few weeks had flown by since Quinn and Puck's meltdown in the choir room.

Nobody really said anything once the two of them walked back in holding hands that day, but they all breathed a sigh of relief that things were starting to go back to normal. Puck and Quinn had spent so much time trying to ignore one another and go out of their way to avoid each other that the rest of the group was just thankful they could get back to business as usual without the obvious looming tension between their friends.

Everything had gone back to normal…well, as normal as they could given the crazy personalities within the group. It was really starting to feel like the tight knit group they formed two years ago before they went to Regionals, except this time they had new additions Rory, Blaine, and Sugar to help them out… and on a high note, nobody was expecting a baby this time!

No, this time Regionals went almost perfectly. New Directions performed and the Troubletones were allowed to get back together and perform a song just like Mr. Schue promised and their set list was perfect. That snotty Sebastian from the Warblers never stood a chance, and despite a rather strong set list and initially being awarded the first place trophy, Sebastian and a few of his cronies had been found to have violated competition rules by bribing the judges and the award and the trip to Nationals went to New Directions. Watching his embarrassment and public disgrace was a win in itself, but the chance to go to Nationals again and win that coveted title lit a new fire within every member of New Directions and they all wanted nothing more than to beat Vocal Adrenalin and bring that Nationals trophy to McKinley.

But the best part about their impending trip back to New York was the fact that they were all going drama-free this time. No moping about not going (Blaine), no moping about lost loves or confused relationships (most of the rest of the group), and no hard feelings or resent toward anyone anymore.

They were going to Nationals as a group, as a solitary unit, and they were going to win it all this time. Together.

While they still had a few months until Nationals, Rachel had already gone on a bender to try and get everyone started on preparing for the competition. She had already polled everyone in the club and even took the liberty to find sheet music to songs and set lists that would highlight both her and Finn's vocal strengths as well as a group number that would absolutely blow away the judges. Or, if they were to write original songs again, she was adamant that they get their songs in a month or so in advance to they would have enough time to rehearse, unlike last time.

Quinn and Puck, on the other hand, were still going strong, taking one day at a time and enjoying each other without any more lies or resent or manipulation. They were content just working on the two of them for the time being and that was enough for them.

Until they received a phone call that would change their lives…yet again.

And now here they were, walking into the choir room hand in hand, Puck toting his guitar along with him as they made their way through the room. Mr. Schue was about to reprimand them for their tardiness when Quinn stopped him, asking quietly if they could say something before he started class. Realizing how much they had gone through over the past few months (and years), Mr. Schue stepped aside, taking a seat in the front row near Finn.

Quinn smiled at Puck and he gave her hand a reassuring squeeze. Despite both of them joking about how Rachel would probably throw a fit knowing the two of them had been coming up with something totally different than what she had assigned everyone to work on for Nationals, they hoped their friends would understand why they wanted to do this.

Puck cleared his throat and looked back at his classmates. But before he could say anything, Santana butt in.

"Oh God, please tell me you two aren't getting married," she said, rolling her eyes, "one engagement per year is about all I can stomach."

Rachel snapped her head around and glared at the Latina, but Puck and Quinn just laughed it off.

"No, we're not engaged," he replied, "And we're not expecting again, so don't even ask."

A few of their classmates chuckled before he continued.

"Uh, so as you all know, we've kinda had a bit of a rough road these past few years," he stated, looking over at Quinn, "and uh, we know that you all, or at least you Mr. Schue, rigged the duets competition before Regionals."

Mr. Schue gave the pair a guilty look before Puck continued.

"But instead of dwelling on the fact that you rigged the pairings and you chose our song for us," he paused, shooting Rachel a sideways glance, "We thought we should actually thank you all."

The two of them were met by a few confused, guilty stares, so Quinn picked up where Puck left off.

"Yeah, we wanted to thank you for being so supportive of the two of us throughout the years. I'm not sure that I personally feel worthy of you all being so kind and caring that you would go out of your way to help us through our rough times and help us confront our feelings in the best way you could think of, as well as providing a safe environment to express that, but for all of that we're truly thankful."

"Well, thank you for your kind words Quinn and Puck," Mr. Schue replied, standing from his seat, "I'm sure I can speak for everyone when I say that we're always here for you. And we're sorry we, or should I say _I_ am sorry I deceived you in the way I did. It wasn't fair on my part, but I'm glad it all ended up working out."

He began making his way to the white board to start the lesson before Puck stopped him again.

"Mr. Schue, we actually had something prepared that we wanted to share with the class before we get started today, if that's alright?"

Mr. Schue looked back at his two students and sighed. Here were two kids who had seen and had to deal with more adult issues and problems than he probably had to in his entire adult life, the stress and drama of the past few years aging the two of them more than one would hope for two people that were barely eighteen.

He smiled back at Puck and Quinn before motioning them to continue, returning to his seat next to Finn.

Puck ran a hand down the back of his mohawk before continuing.

"So, even though we knew Rachel would probably be pissed that we prepared something other than a song for National's or whatever," he explained, smirking over at Rachel before looking back at Quinn, "We wanted to go ahead and perform a song of _our_ choosing to complete our duets assignment. You know, it's only fair, right?"

Mr. Schue nodded in acquiescence, and Quinn picked up where Puck left off.

"We did really appreciate the song you picked Mr. Schue. It brought back a lot of memories and dredged up a lot of feelings and while it was really what brought us back together, we wanted to find a song that really expressed where we're at in our lives now," she explained, pausing to look around at their friends, "We've talked through a lot of our feelings toward each other and Beth and what not, and worked through our drama, so we searched and searched for a country song that would truly express how we felt and what was most important in our lives. We hope you like it."

Puck let go of her hand and made his way to where he had set down his guitar, pulling it out of his case and putting the strap around his shoulder, strumming gently and tuning it a bit while Quinn set up two stools in front of the classroom.

"I also want to point out that Quinn picked this song. It's a little less rock and roll than I was looking for," Puck explained before receiving a nudge in the shoulder and an eye roll from Quinn, "But it _is_ pretty perfect."

Quinn smiled softly before making her way toward the choir room door.

Mr. Schue watched her retreat with a puzzled look, "Quinn, where are you going?"

"You'll see," she replied, disappearing out into the hallway for a few seconds.

The rest of the club began looking around at each other, quietly murmuring amongst themselves and wondering where Quinn went and what she and Puck were up to.

Their questions were answered a few short moments later when the blonde re-entered the classroom, a familiar brunette toting an equally familiar blonde baby following close behind.

"Shelby?" Rachel gasped as she watched her birth mother make her way through the room.

By this time, everyone knew all about the drama surrounding Quinn, Puck, Beth and Shelby and were all staring at the four people standing in the front of the choir room, waiting with bated breath to see what was about to go down.

"Hi Rachel," Shelby murmured, taking the seat behind her.

She set Beth down on the floor, the little blonde girl ambling her way toward a crouching Quinn before Quinn swept her daughter up into her arms, Beth giggling as they made their way to the stool next to Puck. Once Quinn had Beth settled on her lap, Puck leaned over and kissed the little girl on the head before looking back up at his classmates.

Quinn smiled down at her little girl before offering an explanation.

"Most of you have no idea what it feels like to have a child. The first time you meet them and get to hold them, your whole world changes for the better," she explained, smiling as she watched Shelby stroke a lock of Rachel's hair, the brunettes sharing a look of understanding. "We could sit up here and sing a song about breaking up or making up, but after seeing this little one again and making long overdue amends with Shelby after she called a week ago, we realized that there are much more important things in this world than a relationship or high school popularity or winning a football championship."

"I know I'm probably not making a whole lot of sense right now, and you all know I went a bit crazy earlier this year, and while I would take back all of the stupid things I did and said, I will say that I did them all out of love for this little one. For a chance to be with my daughter again. It wasn't right, I know that now, but being a parent and being around your child again, especially after you thought you lost them once, is a pretty heavy feeling," she said, drawing a deep breath to keep her emotions in check, "And I know I can speak for Puck and Shelby as well when I say that the love a parent has for their child is one of the strongest bonds imaginable and it has no end. I know I would do anything for my daughter, and almost did everything trying to get her back, but simply having her back in my life, in our lives, means more to us than you will ever know. So thank you, Shelby."

Quinn blinked away the tears forming in her eyes before looking back over at Puck, letting him know he could begin. She hugged Beth tighter to her chest while Puck cleared his throat began to strum his guitar, smiling at his two favorite girls before he started singing.

_"In my daughter's eyes,_  
><em>I am a hero,<em>  
><em>I am strong and wise,<em>  
><em>And I know no fear.<em>

_But the truth is plain to see,_  
><em>She was sent to rescue me,<em>  
><em>I see who I want to be,<em>  
><em>In my daughter's eyes."<em>

Quinn felt her heart swell as she watched Beth listen to Puck sing. In that moment, holding Beth and watching as her attention shifted back to Quinn, looking down at the little blonde girl in her lap staring back up at her with those big hazel eyes, she finally felt whole again. She leaned down and kissed Beth on the top of her head before she began her stanza.

_"In my daughter's eyes,_  
><em>Everyone is equal,<em>  
><em>Darkness turns to light,<em>  
><em>And the world is at peace.<em>

_This miracle God gave to me,_  
><em>Gives me strength when I am weak,<em>  
><em>I find reason to believe,<em>  
><em>In my daughter's eyes."<em>

Quinn could feel the tears welling in her eyes as she sang to Beth, but she didn't care who saw. She loved this little girl more than life itself and knew Puck felt the same, and neither of them cared what anyone else thought. She looked over at Puck who sat there and continued to strum the bridge, his eyes sparkling with emotion as he smiled at them. She smiled back and they both looked down at their little girl, sitting perfectly still on Quinn's lap, mesmerized as she watched Puck play. After a few more chords, they both took another deep breath and began to sing the rest of the song together, their eyes never leaving their daughter.

_"And when she wraps her hand around my finger,_  
><em>Oh, it puts a smile in my heart,<em>  
><em>Everything becomes a little clearer,<em>  
><em>I realize what life is all about.<em>

_It's hanging on when your heart has had enough,_  
><em>It's giving more when you feel like giving up,<em>  
><em>I've seen the light,<em>  
><em>It's in my daughter's eyes.<em>

_In my daughter's eyes,_  
><em>I can see the future,<em>  
><em>A reflection of who I am and what will be,<em>  
><em>And though she'll grow and someday leave,<em>  
><em>Maybe raise a family.<em>

_When I'm gone, I hope you'll see,  
><em>_How happy she made me,  
><em>_For I'll be there,  
><em>_In my daughter's eyes."_

Quinn cuddled Beth close and kissed the crown of her head once more as Puck finished the final notes, setting aside his guitar and wrapping his arms around the two girls next to him, kissing them both as he tried to blink away the remaining moisture from his eyes.

The little family savored the moment for as long as they could. Puck held his girls tight, finally feeling at peace with everything for once in his life. No more guilt, no more anger or hurt. Nothing but love for the two perfect blonde girls wrapped in his arms.

The whole room was silent as they took in the scene in front of them. Not even Santana had anything sarcastic or snippy to say about the sappy moment taking place in the middle of the choir room. Most of the girls sat there wiping away stray tears while the boys simply sat there and smiled, happy that their friends finally got their happy ending after so many heartbreaks and hardships. Watching the two parents dote over their child was quite the sight and as if there was an unsaid understanding among the group, everyone just let them be and allowed them to enjoy their moment.

After a few minutes, Quinn and Puck finally realized that they were still sitting in the middle of the choir room while their peers looked on. Quinn glanced over Puck's shoulder at where Mr. Schue sat, a wide smile breaking out across his face as he wiped away a tear of his own. He was the first to break the comfortable silence, clapping his hands together in applause, the rest of the room following suit thereafter.

"Wow, you guys, just wow," he said, "I don't even know what to say… That was beautiful."

Quinn nodded and Puck murmured a quiet thanks. They both looked around the room at the rest of their classmates, everyone offering their own soft smiles in support, even Shelby.

Puck cleared his throat again and pulled Quinn into his side as she balanced Beth on one of her hips.

"It's easy to sing a song about a relationship or heartache or about rocking out with your buddies or drinking and partying like some other country songs do, but we know there's so much more to life than that. Beth here helped show us what was really important," he explained, gently stroking his daughter's hair, "She's the best thing that has ever happened to either of us and we've come to realize that now that she's here, our lives will never be the same. We were given a second chance, both as a couple and as Beth's parents, and we'll be damned if we hurt her or screw that up again."

He gave Quinn a soft smile before kissing her forehead. Quinn sighed and smiled back at her classmates.

"This little girl right here is someone we both love more than anything," she said, her throat going tight again, and for once it wasn't from any sad or despondent emotions, "and while other relationships may come and go, while people may break up or get back together, our love for Beth will never end."

"We love you, baby girl," Puck replied, kissing his daughter again, "and we always will."

Almost all of the girls 'aww-ed' as the group stood from their seats and made their way to the front, anxious to hug their friends and offer their own support and congratulations. (Or in Santana's words: "It's about fucking time you both got your shit together" only for Quinn to cover Beth's ears and to be jokingly reprimanded by pretty much everyone for her language).

Rachel, however, stayed behind. She slowly turned around and gave Shelby a small smile, the older brunette offering her a watery smile in return before engulfing her biological daughter in a tight hug, both women bawling as the pain and hurt of the past several years seemed to dissipate as they held each other close.

"I love you, my little girl," Shelby whispered in Rachel's ear, causing a small sob to escape from the younger brunette, "and no matter what, I always will."

Quinn glanced around the room at all of her friends, the people who mattered most in this world to her, smiling as she watched Rachel and Shelby savor their own little moment.

She looked back at Puck then back down at Beth, smiling while she watched the little girl giggling and basking in all of the attention. Sure, she wasn't perfect, but she finally was coming to terms that she probably never would be perfect. Sure, she made mistakes, but the people now crowding around her and the man she loved, cooing and making funny faces at their little girl, didn't care that she had slipped up in the past. Sure, Beth wasn't legally hers and Puck's anymore, but as long as she was in their lives, nothing else mattered.

But now, standing here, surrounded by her best friends with her perfect daughter snuggling into her chest, the man she loved holding her close, she didn't need anything else in the world.

She finally felt whole again.

She finally felt complete.

And she knew, without a doubt, that everything would turn out just fine in the end.

_-The End-_

* * *

><p><em><strong>AN:** I had a really hard time deciding what song I wanted to do. It was between Tim McGraw's "My Little Girl," Jim Witter's "Stolen Moments," and Heartland's "I Loved Her First," but I thought Martina McBride's "In My Daughter's Eyes" was the most appropriate given the circumstances in the story. If you've never heard them, YouTube them. They are beautiful, and perfect for a dad to sing to their daughter (or to dance to at a wedding – I know my dad and I danced to Tim McGraw's song at my wedding)._

_Thank you so much to all of you who have been so fantastic in reviewing and following this story! It started out as a small drabble at the beginning of the Quinn/Puck/Shelby/Beth storyline this season and grew into so much more, all thanks to all of you. __Thanks to my amazing reviewers out there! You all mean the world to me, and I hope I was able to personally thank all of you._

_Also, thanks for adding this to your **Favorite Stories** list: everybodyhurtsalittletoomuch, as92, SpiffytheHiccupingRaineboe, agandglee, Quick-I'm-Proud-of-You, Amanda0310, NiaLFC123, Avivush, Cali-447, Gone Rampant, Siriusly Loopy, fakeemail1989, ilovequinn11, Gleefanx10, and babyhorse._

_And finally, thanks for the **Story Alerts**: As92, , SquareRootofRainbows, gossipgirl1996, RandomIsMe, mylittleleprechun, awesomeme67, xxBabyT-ranxx, blackbeltprincess, SpiffytheHiccupingRaineboe, agandglee, Quick-I'm-Proud-of-You, TheseWords-MyDiary, Amanda0310, Litanya, marine04, A Amanda A, horsezandponyz, xoray812, Shanynde, Electra de Lioncourt, aellen95, Cali-447, Pottergirl1, Siriusly Loopy, Readingiscool, olacindy, leastcommonmultiple, ilovequinn11, andsoitis2, Eliza Jane Kelley, and PrincessParker_

_You all are wonderful! Thanks again!_


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